[callmesunny]

Okay so, I've always been skinny, really skinny.
Lately, I've been gaining a little bit of weight, and i know its not much, but i am so not used to it and i don't like it at all.
I feel like my stomach always looks really pudgy, and my thighs are starting to get big.
I feel like such a jerk saying this, when I tell everyone around me to embrace their real beauty and that they don't need to be skinny to be beautiful, when secretly I want to get plastic surgery and I just won't eat some days because i think "maybe it will help a little bit."
going on an eating disorder would be absolutely against everything i stand for and every moral i have, but its a huge temptation for me to just not eat for a while... see what happens.
its like playing with fire... i know i shouldn't do it, but i'm just dying to see what could happen...

I haven't ever had an eating disorder, and I feel like such a pig because all the food we have in our house is pretty much junk food, and if it's not junk food its something i dont like. i feel like its a joke, even to myself, but i'm just starting to get insecure with not being tiny anymore. UGH i sound like a whiny jerk! i hate that! ): help me out..