[Maiden]

This is more of a rant than anything.

Man, things just suck at the moment. After two years of being with my girlfriend, she's finally dumped me. For the past year and a half she's been struggling with depression of some form and she completely blames me for our break-up. She's been making me feel incredibly guilty and saying I wasn't there for her in the past few months which is a bit true- her depression got way way too much for me and I couldn't help her as much anymore because I was so stressed out by my own stuff. Whenever I tried to talk to her about my own problems, she'd always turn it back around to be about her, even if it had nothing to do with her. Like I'd be complaining about something my sister did and she'd starting saying things like I blame her for that... And I still have no idea how she made those conclusions. I tried so so so hard to be there for her and to support her but nothing I ever did made her any better. I loved her so much but in her paranoia, she stopped believing me. Nothing I ever did made her happy. I tried so many things.

And now I'm being told all about her new friends (whom she's known all of a month) who are so much more supportive of her than I am and who understand her so much better than me and I feel so... betrayed... and just hurt. I tried so hard to never hurt her and to make her happy and she gave me nothing in return. I've never even really gotten a thank you for anything I did, only accusations of why I didn't do better and guilt-tripping over how badly I did.

It hurts so much and there's nothing I can do about it. She's so paranoid and thinks everything I do is an attempt to get back together with her. This morning she told me we can't even be friends anymore because apparently I've been harrassing her- what actually happened was I tried to ask her if she thought we'd ever get back together, but she says that made her uncomfortable and she doesn't want to talk about our relationship so we can't be friends at all.

Man. Drama. Everywhere. And it's so stupid.

I found Kelly Clarkson's song 'Beautiful Disaster' and it pretty much describes exactly how I felt being in a relationship with her.