[ForeverAutumn*]

Abby -

It's perfectly, 100% okay to be scared about this, and very normal to feel this way. You were hurt very badly, and you're still in the healing process; it's totally okay to be afraid of the exam, to worry about being triggered. After being abused, sometimes it can be tricky to tell when something is safe.. the lines kind of blur, you know? We trigger by different things and when triggered, it's difficult to remind ourselves that we ARE safe and no one is going to hurt us. Does that make sense?

In the doctors office, you are safe. You said it yourself that your doctor is wonderful, and she's not going to cause you any harm. She needs to look because she wants to help and make sure you're healthy and okay. She's not going to hurt you, okay? Something to try is taking a small notebook and writing "I am safe" over and over - for one thing, the more you write or say something, the more likely you are to believe it, and for another, physically writing out that you're safe could help reinforce the fact that no one is going to hurt you.

Definitely go over your concerns with your doctor - make sure she knows that you were abused, that you're scared of triggering and you don't know what kind of affect the appointment will have on you. It might be a bit easier if you could bring a close, trusted friend too.. someone to hold your hand and remind you that you're safe, you're in the present and no one is hurting you. Having a comfortable, familiar face can make the whole process a little less scary.

Best of luck and take good care of yourself.