[Emily.]

Hey there, Vicki.

It sounds like you are being put in some pretty scary situations. I know this might not be what you want to hear, but have you thought about ending or at least putting the relationship on hold for awhile? He needs to get help and you need to be able to feel safe. Even though he isn't intentionally hurting you, he's still hurting you and you don't deserve that at all.

If you want this relationship to work out in the long run, he needs to get help for himself first. You'll never feel safe and happy with him unless he does. Maybe you could sit down and talk to him about this? If he truly loves you he'll understand and want to get help for himself and for what the two of you have.

If he gets violent with you or threatens suicide again, I really think it would be a good idea to call the police. They can have him mandatorily placed in a mental health unit where, if he's willing, he can start to get the help he needs.

As for moving on from this, I think you need to first make sure you are safe and then talk to someone. It's hard to get over abuse, no matter the intentions behind it. Do you think you could try talking with a counselor about everything? They can really help us to work through assaults and start to feel more secure.

I hope you're doing okay right now. Keep yourself safe and you can PM me if you ever need to talk.
<3 Emily