[Sunlight.]

So I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel so worthless and hopeless. It started this morning when my Mum found out that I got my belly pierced. She got really angry and started crying because I stress her out and because I'm a liar. Technically I didn't lie about anything because it wasn't like I didn't say I didn't get my belly pierced when in fact I did. My Mum said that my brother whose turning 20 in a few weeks is the better child because he didn't get any attention when he was younger and that he doesn't cause my parents any stress. My Mum also hit me as well. I'm sick of being compared to my brother. He was and still is nothing like me. When he was in Year 12, he didn't have a job and I don't think he even had his licence while I've had the same job for nearly 3 years (in March) with a trail for another job on Monday and I've had my L plates for nearly 2 years (in January). My parents think I'll start doing drugs or start smoking. They think I'll become an alcoholic or get pregnant. I was so close to self-harming today after nearly 4 years of not. I just want to move as far away as possible from home. Or just get away from everything and everyone. I might as well fucking die considering they don't care anymore...my own Mum's not even talking to me anymore. I just want to yell and scream because this pain is unbearable and hard to live with now. I'm the ugly one at school, I'm not academically bright, I'm not the jock, musician or drama geek. I just put a smile on my face and pretty much go with the flow. No-one knows how I'm feeling...which I don't know is a good or bad thing. I so badly want to end my life so I won't have to feel this pain anymore and people actually realize just how much pain I was in.