Thread: All alone
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gooner91 Offline
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Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 7
Join Date: August 27th 2010

All alone - December 17th 2010, 08:26 PM

For the last 6 months i've felt so fed up and alone. I've never been someone thats always happy, when I was 7 my dad died and I was never the most popular person in the world.

So last year I met my first boyfriend, he made me so happy, I felt like I could tell him anythin. He's the only person I have ever opened up to about my dad. But then he broke up with me, no reason at all and all over the phone. After that he refused to talk to me. This was all 6 months ago and I expected to be over him by now, we were only together for 6 months but he became such a good friend and then he just changed.

Now I feel like I have nobody to talk to, when im upset I look at my phone for someone to call and theres no-one. My best friend works in a different city so she's either at work or to tired to go out. All my other friends go to university and after I dropped out of university last year i've been struggling to find a job.

My ex-boyfriend is the only person I have been sexual with and now, I feel disgusting, I feel disgusting for letting him near me. Ive tried so hard to hate him when in reality I just hate myself.

I was also diagnosed with mild OCD shortly after he broke up with me, this was one of the reasons I left university, I would spend hours checking my door was locked and making sure all cupboard doors were shut properly before I could get to sleep. Usually I wouldnt be able to get any sleep, the only time I would sleep would be because I couldnt keep my eyes open any longer.

But I feel so alone, I dont have anyone to talk to. I don't have much in common with my family, sometimes I think I just get in the way really. The other day my nan and grandad came round, said hi to my brother an nothing to me. I feel like im the disappointment of the family, I didn't do as well in my exams as my brothers, they have both just graduated from uni and I dropped out.

I just want to be happy but I can't even remember the last time there was a day that I didnt cry. Im back to crying myself to sleep like I did after my dad died and I hate it. I just give up because nothing seems to work. This time last year I was so happy and now I feel like everythings fell apart, I just don't no what to do.