Confused about my past...was I sexually abused? -
January 8th 2011, 08:09 AM
Ok so when I was little like 4 or 5 my cousin who is 5 years older than me always made me have sex with him... But he was my older cousin who I looked up to so much and idolized so when he asked me to I said yes cuz I didn't wanna let him down and that's what cousins did for each other...or so he told me... Well long story short, he made me have sex with him like at least once a month for about 3 years I'm guestimating.... But he kinda forced it on me but I never fought it... So does that mean it wasn't abuse cuz he was so close in age with me and I didn't fight it... Like in a way maybe I was leasing him on.... But I remember bragging to friends about it cuz I thought it was what adults did and it was normal... But it's like I had always looked at it as like "hey I'm so adult I had sex before everyone..." but I just recently had a friend tell me she was raped as a kid and it got me thinking as to whether or not what happened to me was rape or molestation or whatever u call it... But yeahh I'm just like so confused about it all and I'm looking back on it now and realizing how wrong it really was but the whole idea of it is so confusing to me right now...