Not gonna lie... -
April 20th 2011, 10:16 PM
Well, I'm not gonna lie to you guys. Being honest about this with him... is harder... is the right thing to do... I think... I don't know...
In a nutshell - I was either madly in love or a madly obsessed, or both, with my boyfriend, and I was REALLY clingy. I tried not to let this show, 'cos I knew he doesn't like clingy, but hey... maybe it did show. And then it changed. It got to the point where I stopped crying my heart out over the smallest thing, I stopped obsessing over everything and kind of calmed down. Good thing? I don't know. Now I just feel numb. We don't communicate much, he's stressed, I'm trying to convince myself it doesn't mean anything bad, but I just feel more insecure than ever.
So maybe I should tell him. That seems the obvious thing to do. Tell him there's no communication, ask him how he really feels... what's the harm in that? Because he's got it so much worse than me right now, and if I was going to bring that up and contribute to the stress in his life... I can't do that.
Believe me, I do want to be with him... but only if it's gonna work, and that's what I can't figure out. It doesn't feel like it's working. I care about him, and I'll make the effort to keep the relationship alive, but I just don't know anymore. I can't help thinking that if it saves us both heartache in the long run, it's better not to hang on to lost hope.
I don't know if that made sense to anybody, but... yeah. I apologise for my naivety; I guess I was deluded and thought everything would stay lovey-dovey and perfect forever and ever. It doesn't always work like that. I'm not gonna run away from the smallest problem; I just need to know how to solve this. I wish he'd talk to me about something, anything, 'cos I worry about him and I don't want him to be alone. I just want to ask him if he's OK with all this. I really don't know anymore...