Hahahahah...sorry I love your username!! Godzilla love you!! that's soo fricking funny!! hehe
but thanks so much for that! I know that she decided on her own to take care of me because she felt like no one would...she told me when she left for college that I had to take care of the family and that it was my responsibility to get my brother's act together and keep him happy....when that day came I didn't know what she was talking about...I was 13 and thought my whole family was normal but I knew I was depressed...now..well once a year passed I realized my family was NOT normal and in fact HIGHLY dysfunctional. And then it grew worse and I couldn't take care of the family and such but I mean...gosh...life is NOT supposed to be that way...when I was a kid I would waste all my wishes and shooting stars on hopes that my family would be functional or that my mom would eventually be happy and take care of herself or that my sister would be happy. Now, I'm not too concerned with those wishes because I mean..they are pointless... I have to be realistic. But good news is that Lisa is out of the hospital! She is now living with me, Douglas, and Dad again and that's good! SHe was only in the hospital for five days but.....I don't know that they helped that much. She still has hallucinations and can't sleep alone and needs me to talk to her all the time and jog with her and she'll apologize to me about it and I'll just say "Pfft...it's fine don't worry about it" but honestly.....I cried for an hour and a half today because I was EXHAUSTED!! I haven't been getting much sleep now that she's been here and she wants to be with me all the time and I even read to her and I tell her to go eat something because she lost over 60 pounds in 2 months and I mean..ugh..she's emaciated...but I finally got her to eat meat again and I don't show her that I'm tired of taking care of her like this or that it's stressing me out because that's the last thing she needs but OMG!!! I CAN NOT F.UCKING DO THIS!! I AM SOOOOOO F.UCKING TIRED!! OMG!!! I'M 18 FOR CHRIST SAKE!! I UNDERSTAND I AM AN ADULT BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP A DELUSIONAL, HALLUCINATING PERSON WHO CAN BARELY MOVE OR EAT OR WALK!!! OMG!! and it would be easier to take care of her if she weren't my sister because I wouldn't feel as responsible..If I weren't born than she wouldn't have had to take care of me when Mom and Dad weren't....ugh....this is the sacrifice she has had to make...dear god...
I love her...I do...I really really really do I just feel like
sh.it when I'm around her because don't know what to do to cure her and help her and the hospital didn't help much and I....I'm panicked and freaked out and I feel like I'm alone and no one else is trying as hard as I am....Dad is always working and he can talk to her when he gets home but he doesn't walk with her or read to her or sleep in the same bed as her and even call her back at school to reassure her that I'm coming home soon and she doesn't need to worry!! OMG!! AND DOUGLAS DOESN'T DO ANYTHING!! HE STILL SUCKS HIS THUMB AND SITS IN HIS ROOM AND MOPES AND GETS ON HIS COMPUTER AND PLAYS COMPUTER GAMES OR VIDEO GAMES AND I UNDERSTAND THAT HE WAS BULLIED AND HAS NO FRIENDS BECAUSE OF HIS HORRIBLE SOCIAL SKILLS FROM BEING BULLIED BUT SERIOUSLY!!???? YOUR SISTER IS DOWN THERE AND THINKS THE TV IS TALKING TO HER AND YOU ARE PLAYING A F.UCKING GAME BOY!! YOU'RE 21!!! GROW A PAIR!! omg!! sorry!! ugh...just..frustrated and EXHAUSTED...and mom came down last weekend and screamed at me and told me I was the reason Lisa was like this and that I don't actually care about her and I started crying really hard and she tried hugging me and saying the point is -LISA NEEDS TO GRADUATE COLLEGE-WE CAN FOCUS ON HER MENTAL HEALTH AFTER SHE GRADUATES AND YOU FOCUSING ON HER MENTAL HEALTH NOW IS WRONG AND THAT FOCUSING ON HER MENTAL HEALTH NOW WILL DESTROY HER AND CAUSE HER TO BE MORE OF A VEGETABLE AND YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE HER THAT IF YOU TELL HER TO TAKE HER TIME WITH THIS MEDICAL LEAVE!! and I then said ok...and she said-I know you think I'm wrong but one day you'll wake up and realize I'm right- and I went to a friend's house with the claim I was going for a jog and ended up crying for a long looong while and came home again...and now my Mom has decided to come up every weekend and lecture me on every little thing I am doing wrong with Lisa and have done to destroy Lisa...ugh...that b.itch....she's just stressed but my God...I CARE MORE ABOUT LISA THAN SHE EVER WILL!! UGH!!