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Name: Raptor
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 58
Join Date: January 11th 2009

My ticking time bomb.. - February 25th 2009, 10:46 AM

I've been cut free for .. about 9 months, with no majors urges to cut and I thought I'd beaten it.

But now I've been thinking about it alot. It's hard to make it leave my mind and I'm begining to want to act on these thoughts.
Sometimes I think I wont, as it's stupid, I don't want to go down that route again, I don't want to ruin my hard work, upset my boyfriend etc etc... but on the other hand part of me is thinking that I just don't care and should get on with it already.
Just thinking about it now is really getting to me and I want to feel it all over again.

I've spoken to my boyfriend about it and I know where he stands on this situation, but I went looking for my old razor blade today and I couldn't find it. I think he's taken it. I don't want to confront him because I don't want him to worry and I don't want an argument.
Today is the first day in so long that I got panicky over not finding it.

Can you ever really beat this? Or is it always going to be there, in the back of my mind? Ticking like a time bomb...