I feel so awful and honestly pathetic having to start another thread, because a couple weeks ago i posted a thread about pretty much the same thing:
I've actually grown up quite a bit since then. I also wasn't being utterly honest I think. I honesly didn't say everything. It was too hard to, and now it's all gotten to such a point I'm lost.
So on the 14th of June I was sure he was dead, I spent the whole night crying my eyes out. Because he had his house broken into and he ended up chasing someone, and yeah I'm not sure of the details, but he got arrested.
He got out on bail. Now in the last 3 days other shit has happened, he has phoned me up to tell me, but I know this is lame and stupid, my phone is not working properly I can't hear people, and my friends struggle to understand what I say sometimes, so when I say I can't hear you he gets all pissy, I understand that. But he then says all I do is talk about other stuff, it's cause I'm out, I've been out every time he's called me. I'm with my mum and sister so yeah, they don't know about him and it's like I'm sorry I'm having trouble hearing you and then I have people talking to me.
Then he accused me of cheating on him, or I was going to. Cause ONCE, I was drunk and kissed 3 peopel and some other stuff I'm not proud of happened. It's once and now, I feel so crumby. Also the night he was on the phone saying he was going to die I felt bullied into saying something would happen between me and someone if I drank. I know I should never have even said I was thinkign of that. But now he goes it's your life, you do what you want, because that is what I've said in an arguement saying that's what I will do.
Now his family have kicked him out and they are gangsters apparently and he's been accused of being a paedophile, and he is the reason he and his sister both have annoerixia and self harm issues. So he slept rough in a woods last night. Got home to a shot gun in his face. Calls me, and at this point in the car, so can't hear at all. Then call him later on in the day on my mum's phone and he just says I don't understand, because I make mm noises and I have no idea what to say to anything he says. Like how could I? Please tell me there is nothing I should have said, but be honest. Then says all I care about is lipstick and my sister. How he needs help and love and I can't do anything so he's going to hospital so he can just talk to someone. He's scared too, and he might run away. None of his friends will let him stay because he was accused of being a paedophile.
How can I help, I'm 16, 17 in 11 days. I'm a kid, his world and the way it is, it's so alien to me. He lives forever away, and he just yells at me for not understanding.
He's such a sweet guy and such a good person. He made me feel so low yesterday accusing me of things and saying I was self obsessed, I can be, but everyone is. He is, and I know that's not an excuse, but I'm out sometimes. Hell this week he was doing what he yelled at me partly for, having two conversations.
One of my friends only saw some of what he sent, like your gonna cheat on me, and said "dump the fucker". I don't know what to do.
I can't call him because I'm borderline edge on tears and if he doesn't answer I can't deal, not after last time. I just right now want to know it's all okay and stuff, but I can't deal emotionally. If he answers he'll just yell
at me I know it.
I'm sorry this is sooo long, but it's the whole of it, mostly. I just need someone who has a clue. Before when I thought he was dead I spoke to a girl I met a gig, she helped me through that night, and she says to ignore him and he's being a **** and it's not fair on me. I can't deal. I just need out. Right now I'm apathetic, and if I wasn't I question if I'd love him right now.
He also said if we lived together, a day we'd been arguing, but he called me up and moaned at me, cause he was panicky, kinda dampened my evening but yeah said we could have makeup sex and some other shit. Like how does that fix anything? But I feel like anything I do is wrong, and I know the odd time he's been horrid, well fair I guess I have purposely sent a text back of how I feel, like a mean comment or you know, because I'm that angry but I always apologise like 10 minutes later or so. I don't do that normally. He says I play mind games and everything. I'm just awful.
Also I remembered a friend who had been in a somewhat abusive relationship and this is starting to sound like one maybe, cause he's hurting so bad. But it's not. I feel so selfish and just a fucked up little bitch.
There's a ton I've left out more than likely because it's so compliacted and haven't even thought of it.