[taking_c0ntr0l]

heyyyy i havent written in a while!
lil update, yesterday was my 150th day cut-free woot!
but anyway..

so, last year was like a really hard year for me family/friend/boyfriend wise. and i started drinking, like getting really tipsy or drunk about 3-4 times a week. i was always drinking by myself, but when i was with someone else i always had to drink a lottt. and when i wasnt drinking i was thinking about drinking and so on.
nowadays i havent been able to drink as much because i pretty much emptied my parents alcohol cabinet and they havent refilled it and i dont want them noticing. Ill drink about once a week if im with people who are drinking. however, i always find that i need more.
today, my girlfriend had some booze and was talkin about it and now im like really jittery. i feel bad but i always get like this when ppl are talking about alcohol or when someone had been drinking and i wasnt.
ugh, now im feeling like light headed and my joints kinda hurt from crackin them.

i guess not cutting and not drinking as much at the same time is just..ahhhhhhhhhh. help? thank you all in advance.