[amystery]

I'm not ready to forgive you yet. I really do hate that you told on me but I think I hate myself more. I can't seem to hate you guys and I really wish I could. (it would make things a lot easier) For whatever reason though I cant hate you...IthinkImightevenloveyou. That being said I can feel this new distance between us and things are awkward between us. I dont' know how to make that go away and maybe only time will fix it but I really wish it would go away. It's starting to make me question things again and I think you are questioning them too. Maybe we're trying too hard or something I just...I wish things would go back to the way they were but you can't turn back time...

Mom, Dad....I love you more then anything and you are amazing parents to me. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through and I'm sooooo sorry you had to find out this way. If I would've known he was going to call you I would've begged him not to. This is exactly what I was trying to protect you from. I guess in lots of ways I feel like I've failed now that you know. I've tried soooo hard to protect you from this and I tried sooo hard not for this to happen because I know what it was like when my brother was depressed and harming himself and I know what it did to our family. I guess I'm just glad I'm not living at home because its a lot easier to convince you that I'm okay when I don't have to see the hurt look in your eyes and know that Dad's looking right through it.