[Distorted_Reality]

I am a guy, and I was the victim of sexual assault. I had gotten very drunk and had more shots taken to my self-esteem, after seeing the guy I liked make out with a girl. I had gone back to my room with my other gay, “drunk” friend. I use quotes because he had way less than me, and honestly, has 50lbs on me. Regardless, he keeps asking for “hugs”, which I finally gave him to shut him up. Then I tried to go to sleep in my bed, but he “helped me get in safely”, as I am on a bunk. So he ended up climbing up and kissing me. I blacked out at this point, but, he fucked me.

He left the condom wrapper in my bed. Not to mention that I had tears in my rectum, making shitting excruciatingly painful and made me wipe more blood than anything else. I only remember some things from it. I remember that he made me go down on him, while he sucked me. I remember how much it hurt during the act, but not as much as it hurt after.

My virginity, a bond I kept for 18 years, was taken from me and I don’t even remember. There was no romance, no relationship, no love. And I don’t want to remember, but I KNOW that sex was not my idea. I have no attraction to him. No emotional, physical, or at this point personal. He knew this, but he wanted me. And he got it, because I was too drunk to say no.

I can't deal with things. There was a guy that told mutual friends that he "wants to fuck me". When he drunkenly hit on me, I almost went into shock from my anxiety. My friends make rape jokes and I try to smile and go along. I told one friend, who doesn't go to my school.