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katpanda Offline
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Name: Kat
Age: 24
Gender: Female

Posts: 134
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: December 5th 2011

This feeling just came out of nowhere... - December 8th 2011, 07:47 AM

I have just been sitting here all afternoon thinking about my life.
I went through depression for 7months last year and used to cut often.
I did it a few times earlier throughout th year and I just got a sudden feeling to do it again. I promised to my boyfriend that I wouldn't do it. I am so upset with my mum not letting me talk to him over the phone or let me go on facebook for awhile. I am so lonely where I live. yeah I have friends, but they aren't people I can really confide in and I need that right now. I just want to run, like I always do when I feel like shit. I want to run and not stop until my legs give out. I want to slice right across my wrist and my legs. I want to drink that bottle of vodka sitting in the kitchen straight until I pass out. I don't want to be in this house anymore. I want to live my life where I have absolute control. Some of you may find this irrational, but really it isn't I have felt this way for a long time and very rarely does it come out from the back of my mind where it is suppressed. The voice inside me says everything that I am sometimes too scared to talk about because I don't know how to put it without sounding stupid and I don't want people to get hurt. I think people would never understand it anyway. My mind is a complicated one. There is times where I just want to suffocate myself. The one way I would ever want to kill myself is by jumping under a train from the platform headfirst, hoping that my head would shatter instantly.
I just want to move away from here.