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Adele Offline
formally xUnoticedx o.f.c
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Name: Adele
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 49
Join Date: February 2nd 2009

I need help... Please - December 26th 2011, 06:26 PM

I have always been a bit of a loner, Im really insecure and I have trouble letting people in. I've had a good friend at work for a long time now, we got to be quiet good friends before he went away travelling. Just before he went we were all out for his leaving drinks and he kissed me. I freaked out half way through, I new I was seeing him more than a friend since he said he was leaving but i wasn't expecting it. I pushed him away and we pretended nothing happened. I sent him a message before he went, I asked what happened and why he did.. And that I was sorry, and i said I knew he was going away.. He replied saying he couldn't remember a thing and tbh I was hurt. I thought that would be the last I heard from him but he kept in touch with me when he was gone, things kind of got better and we were talking like we used to. I'd wait for his messages, I used to love hearing from him.
I lost my mum to cancer at Christmas last year, I thought shed get through but things turned bad really quickly. I pushed everyone away and I didn't deal with it very well. I told him stuff, but I've found it hard to talk about with anyone, he said I could talk to him if I needed someone to talk to but I said I needed some space and we didn't talk for a while.*
He was having a amazing time, and I couldn't*relate to anything with him anymore.
I quit my job and started working somewhere else which was a mistake and I was so unhappy. I didn't hear from him for months.*
One day I was so low, I messaged him because I needed someone to talk to, he never replied. Months and months went by. It got to the end of his year and he came home, I ended up talking to him because I got offered my old job back. I said yes and we went out for drinks to celebrate with my old work mates and him. He said he had lost his phone and sorry for not being in contact. He flirted with my friend who's alot older than us both most of the night and I decided that I couldn't do it anymore and I decided I should try to stop contact. He realised why I think. Time went by and things were ok with us again, we didn't go more than 3 days at the most without messaging or bumping into each other on nights out and hed hold my hand and stuff like that. He'd usually text me when he was drunk, not for much reason but we'd talk for ages. I used to go and see him at work and stuff when id finished work and we'd talk. He got offered work back where I work and took it. Things aren't really the same, he seems worried what everyone else thinks if he was to talk to me like we used to. One night recently we were both out and he asked to meet me. I did and we ended up kissing and stuff. His mate was there and he knew who I was, he said he had talked about me before. I dont really know what happened, but i was so happy because i thought i finally knew what was going through his head. The next day we didn't talk, at work we didn't talk. I started to get really hurt. He'd leave without saying goodbye, and we didn't text or message anymore. I bought it up eventually and messaged him, I said I knew he was just drunk and it was ok. He said ok and that everyone seemed really drunk that night. Things haven't been right but have got a little bit better. We went out recently for the works party and we didn't really talk that much but when we did it was ok it was just because there was so much going on and everyone. I got so drunk and I was really embarrassing. By the end of the night I was completely waisted and we got a train home. Everyone kept on and on about not leaving me on my own. I got off and there was three of us, I started walking off and he didn't care that I was on my own. His mates rang him because they was all out that night and he went to find them. I stood on my own and cried, i had men shouting stuff out at me because i was alone and i stood out where cars were driving by because i was on my own and i felt really threatened. I thought he might have cared, just a friend, and might have made sure I was ok before he found his mates. I eventually found someone to pick me up and I got home.
And now he's trying to message me, like it's ok and like we used to and*I can't do this anymore, I don't know how to deal with this.. He doesnt seem to know he hurts me.
We work together I can't get away from him. And he's always there, in my head. How can I get over this without quiting my job?
I want to tell him I can't deal with bring friends, but as hard as I try I don't know how and deep down I don't want to lose him.
I just feel like a bit of a joke, its just all been in my head.*

I'm so sorry this is so long. Thankyou if you can give me some advice.

Your everywhere to me &
when i close my eyes its you I see.
When I catch my breath its you I breath.