Thread: Triggering (Suicide): I don't know why I did this.
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xxxAJxxx Offline
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Name: Aj
Age: 24
Gender: Male

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Join Date: December 3rd 2009

I don't know why I did this. - January 5th 2012, 02:12 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I pushed away my best friend, my ONLY friend today. Told her I didn't want to be friends with her anymore. I don't even have a gauge on why I did it. I feel like people make me miserable, but being alone gets me the same result.

My depression is getting worse, I'm having the first suicidal thoughts I've had since 1.5 years ago. I can't take it. In school, I can't even do the work anymore. I'm too tired to talk sometimes. I just generally feel terrible. No days are better than others.

I even got rid of my damn therapist about 9-10 months ago. Now I'm stuck. I can't go to my parents, they're under the impression that I'd never have major depression again. I feel stupid for doing what I did, but I can't take even having conversations with people anymore. I'm at the end of the line. I need your help.


"Now at the end of everyday I lie awake at night and wait
To feel the wires of my brain get cut and quietly rearranged, and
Hear my beaten heart exclaim, 'Still, I refuse to let her go.'"

So we escape to our mistakes for they wait patiently for us.
Oh, how they always wait for me.

If my fear has kept me here only my fear can set me free."