Thread: Family Problems
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Name: Robin
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

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Re: Family Problems - February 3rd 2012, 12:48 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =)

I can't read your mom's mind, but I have a few hypotheses. One: your mom may be upset that there are no VISIBLE signs of improvement/growth (which isn't your fault, but if this is the case, it might not hurt to update her every other day on the status of tests/jobs/apartments/etc.). Two: your mom may be stressed out over something else, and unfortunately, you have become the scapegoat (if this is the case, all you can really do is express how much you love and support her). Three (and I think this may be the most likely explanation): you're reaching adulthood, and your mom is wondering whether you'll become an independent adult, or a "flake" like your sister.

Whatever the case may be, I'd suggest sitting down with your mom when you're both calm and not doing anything important for at least an hour. Start off your conversation with something like, "Hey Mom, can I talk to you for a bit? I feel like our relationship hasn't been quite right for a while, and I'd like to sort things out." Don't accuse her of being "depressed" or "unfair," because that will just make her defensive. Instead, ask her if there is anything you have done lately to upset your mother, and if so, how you can make amends. If she gives you a list of things you could improve upon, work on it! If her complaints are completely unreasonable, DON'T argue with her. Address that with her on another occasion. During your initial conversation, you could also show concern for your mom and ask her if there's anything going on that is stressing her out. Try to word this in a way to shows genuine concern, vs. something that conveys a message like, "I know this isn't about me, it's really something else that's to blame." Sometimes, parents just need to know that their children care. This message can be lost in the every day routine of life. Let this conversation be a loving reminder to your mom that you are there for her, and you want the best for everyone in your family (not just yourself!).