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dani99 Offline
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Name: Danielle
Age: 24
Gender: Girly girl <3
Location: Down in the south

Posts: 513
Join Date: February 11th 2012

Why can't I hold onto life? - March 6th 2012, 04:04 AM

I try and I try to keep a grip on my life, but it keeps slipping away from me. It's like I can't control it and it's so frustrating. I've been depressed and stressed for years and years and year. The stress actually started when I was a toddler. But the thing is, lately for the last few months it's been really bad. I haven't gone back to self harm or suicide attempts, but my life seems out of control.

I keep wanting to blame god for everything. My grades are dropping, my grandpa is on his death bed, I lost my baby to a MC, I'm getting more and more annoyed at my boyfriend like I can't control my anger but I bite my tongue and all that stress builds up and makes me hate myself. I mean I'm so alone, too, and I have no friends and nobody ever wants to hang out with me.

I want to cry and I want to die, but I promised I wouldn't. I feel like it would be so easy to give up but I'm not going to.

I love looking at things from a phycological stand point and I think my depression and my fear in life and all of this trauma that I've had in the past has given me PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder ). Lately I've been getting terrible memories that seem so real like I'm reliving the past and I can feel all of the pain and sadness and horror. I can't move and reality just becomes nothing to me, like it doesn't exist.

It's like there is no way out and my mom isn't getting me help. I don't know what to do anymore, and I don't know how much longer I can take this madness.

Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3