[Biohazard320]

I am a woman. I watch porn.
So, I'm tired of being ashamed of something that's such a part of me.

(I've NEVER been sexually abused, and I've been brought up in a loving, more open-minded Catholic family that encourages me to stay pure, which I would like to be able to do, but understands that that might not happen)

I'm a 17 year old female, and I've known that I'm a particularly sexual individual to at least a small extent for as long as I can remember. I have weird fetishes--not just one fetish, but lots of them. My more intense fetishes appeared in early childhood before I had any concept of sex. It's very rare for me to find porn that I don't like even if the subject is something that makes me sick in real life. I need to figure out what my sexuality really is instead of being attracted to girls but saying I'm straight because I'm only romantically interested in men. Orgasms make me feel so much better when I'm down, I don't understand why I'm not being encouraged to safely seek them out. I wouldn't need as much anxiety medication if I could just stop feeling guilty for it.

I'm a virgin and am really scared of getting taken advantage of (an ex did that to me last year) and I don't even want a sexual relationship with another person until I'm ready, which I would like to be my wedding night. I like the idea of the sanctity of sex in a marriage, because it turns it into something beautiful instead of dirty, but at the same time if I'm being completely honest with myself, I have to admit that I love porn. I really do, I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

I'm an open book and I want to be able to talk about all of this stuff so much. I'm sick and tired of the sexist porn industry because they make it feel like you have to be a super freaky make pervert to enjoy the stuff that really turns me on. I'm also sick and tired of being made to feel subhuman about all of this.

I don't want to be into sex in this way, I want to wait till marriage, but I can't change the fact that I enjoy sex the way I do. I don't understand why the Church is so wonderful about so many things, but without meaning to hurt me, makes me feel like crap for being myself.

Bottom line: I don't know what to do to deal with this at all.
1-Am I normal? (keep in mind that I essentially will watch anything porn related in order to get off even when it gets fairly sick and twisted)
2-What different ways can I try dealing with (and enjoy) my sexual needs without the guilt?
3-Should I keep watching?
4-Should I try to get past the guilt or is the guilt there for a reason
5-Am I going to be able to have the traditional marriage that I want so badly?
6-Are there decent men out there that want a traditional Christian marriage will understand that I'm too addicted to too many different kinds of porn and will NEVER be happy with a sex life that involves him and him alone?
7-Do marriages exist where the couple is open and honest with each other sexually--without all the things I hear about fake orgasms and cheating without much of an attempt to spice things up before giving up?
8-Do you think I'll ever be able to find a man who really loves and respects me who believes in the sanctity of marriage and that will understand and appreciate my sexual appetite?