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Name: Court Reeves
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Location: Texas, USA

Posts: 20
Join Date: August 29th 2012

Wishing for peace - September 23rd 2012, 02:19 AM

I can't keep up with this anymore. Everyday I have the same thoughts and struggles within me. Why did she chose him? What could I have done better to be with her? Why do I still love her? Do I have a chance in love at all? A year ago is when time paused for me. I stopped moving while everything is ignored me. I see the people I used to talk to at school, and all I feel is pain now. I really am at the point where I just want to cry all day. I can't though. I try to but I can't. I have all this inside of me and I can't let it all out. It's building up. It feels like she took my love and shook it up. The pressure is building and I have no way to let it leak out.
I used to feel happiness. I used to wake up feeling happy. Now i have gone cold. I haven't had a good day sense a year ago. I have to see her with him everyday. I have to see the aftermath of all of this. I didn't get the girl. I believe that in this life there is something called equivalent exchange. To gain something you have to give up something that is equal value of what you want to gain. I lost her and gained all this pain. She gained him and she still has me. What did she lose? I lost everything. I don't wish misfortune on her. But it isn't right. I love this girl. I never felt so close to someone before. I am always thinking of her.
I lost the majority of my friends. While I paused, life moved on. No one waited for me. Everything kept moving other than me. A day seems like a week for me. I wish things would have gone better for me. I helped some many people with problems. I got an old friend of mine off of drugs and I helped him move again. Now he doesn't even remember me. I helped the girl I loved with a lot of pain. I helped her overcome all of the odds she faced. I showed her that there is more to this life than pain and suffering. Now she won't let me talk about my problems. No one will help me. I helped all of them, yet they won't help me. They don't even know that I am suffering. Everything keeps moving. I'm frozen in this place forever.
I don't have much left. A guitar and a heart that has been broken three times by the same girl. I gave up my happiness up for her's. Yet, she doesn't even notice the sacrifices I had to give up. She doesn't understand how much I care and love her. I can't do anything about that though. All she will do is say something to change the conversation. It's game over. I don't have a chance in hell. No matter how hard I try.
Today I walked outside and I laid in the soft grass. I watched the sunset. I felt the cool breeze on my cheeks and I felt the soft rays of the sun light hit my skin. I was at peace for a few minutes. I had no worries for a few minutes. I wasn't me. I was apart of nature. I could feel my soul flow with the flow of mother nature. I heard the birds sing a peaceful tone. I listened to their song while I dream about life. How I wish I could feel like that again. To have no worries and to enjoy life. I had that and took it for granite. I had to lose everything to realize how good I used to have it. I am wishing for peace. I want to enjoy life and I want to enjoy my own company. I want to be able to accept happiness. I want to be able to cry when I want to. I want to be apart of that flow forever. The flow of nature. I never experienced anything that great before. All those things that God created. It's really magnificent of what God created. I wish that I could've stayed in that flow. I wish for peace within myself. I can't keep fighting this battle. I'm losing the war within myself. Yet, no one knows about it. Even if they did, I doubt they would try to help me. Sorry for this being so long. I just wanted to share my thoughts and stuff. If anybody has any advice for me to get over her or feel better I could use it. Thank you for reading this by the way.