Lm00 Offline

Okay I have been stressing about this for a couple years now and I am going to be complete Honest. I don't know what I am. My heart and mind tell me I'm straight and everyone knows whoever you were looking at when you were little is your sexuality and I've always looked at guys an I feel like staryght is being me like it's who I am, but I don't know what I am. I love guys everything about them but then I also get thoughts about girls too sexually and when I ask myself if I'm bi my heart and mind say no and when I ask myself if I'm bi curious my heart and mind also say no. I don't know what I am, I don't know if I'm confused like I could kiss a girl but only if I was in a different mindset and like I don't know what I am. I've never had attraction to girls in any way but then I have thoughts like that sometimes and then when I think that I would do something with a girl I'm like out of my mindset and not within myself if that makes sense. And it's like everyone says if you think in any of girls like that your bi or bi curious and I don't like anything of girls and I do think sometimes I want to be bi like I want to have that mindset and I feel like when I look at girls it's forced like when I think about it it's forced like I'm forcing myself to have those thoughts and when I subconsciously think about it everything in my mind and body automatically say "no" and I've never kissed a girl I have thought about it and I think I would only do it if I could or if I wasn't ina. Different mindset then I think "ew gross" and I get back into my mindset and it's completely disgusting like I wouldn't do it at all. And there were times when I thought that I wasn't bi but when I did that and felt like that it didn't feel right everything was saying "no" like I don't know what I am. Then I'll go really close to a girl and then I am I back up bc it feels so disgusting everything about it like kissing a girl when I get close it feels disgusting but when I think about it I would but I wouldn't like I would burn not as myself not in my original mindset. I don't know what i an, and I'm so confused and stressed a SO terrified and I was always taught that if you look at a Girls chest or butt that you like girls but when I have those thoughts of girls it feel forced like I'm forcing myself to have tide kinds of thoughts and when I don't force myself to think of girls I think only if boys naturally. And I just idk I've been so scared and it's like I can't accept the fact that I'm straight? Like I don't want to be, but I know that I am but then I think that I'm bi and it's like I'm telling myself "yes" but my heart and mind says "no" like I'm putting "yes" there when it's really not and I don't know if I'm overthinking it and I've had thoughts of kissing girls and other things but I feel completely disgusted and I just don't know what I am. I think I would do things with girls if I wasn't in a different mindset like if I wasn't myself and the only way I can think like that isn't if I come out of my mindset like I'm thinking like a different me and not the real me and I just dont know what I am or if I'm just overthinking it. I feel straight but when those thoughts come in I feel completely freaked and not me but those thoughts of girls feel kinda forced. Like I have to be in a different mindset to think like that and they feel kinda forced like subconsciously when I think of it all I see is "ew" and everything in my body mind and heart say "no" and then I was taught that if you think of that then you like girls, but I don't know if I'm overthinking it which I probably am or maybe writing this out will help me better understand or answer my own question I'm just scared and confused.