The feelings back, the want, the need. I miss it. I feel like I need it. I want to go to bed and never wake up. I want to drink until I black out. It's to much. I want to rip my eyes out. I want to pull the veins from my arms until there not connected anymore. I want to end it all. The pain, the stress, the need. Everything. I want it to end. I'm afraid to be alive anymore, but I'm afraid to die. I hate it. I feel like I did two years ago.

Scared. I think my best friend wants us to date. I'd date a girl but the problem is I like Paul more then her. I don't want to hurt her. I'm sure if I was given the chance I would date him. I need help!!

I'm scared I'll start again. I really want to. I have this need that recently came back. It's been almost a year and it showed up now. I don't know what to do. I need help but I don't know how to ask. I'm afraid I'll disappoint everyone. If I start again everything will be better. I'll be relaxed, and calm. I'll get more sleep. I wont be up half the night thinking if I should or shouldn't I don't know anymore.