The feelings back, the want, the need. I miss it. I feel like I need it. I want to go to bed and never wake up. I want to drink until I black out. It's to much. I want to rip my eyes out. I want to pull the veins from my arms until there not connected anymore. I want to end it all. The pain, the stress, the need. Everything. I want it to end. I'm afraid to be alive anymore, but I'm afraid to die. I hate it. I feel like I did two years ago.

Scared. I think my best friend wants us to date. I'd date a girl but the problem is I like Paul more then her. I don't want to hurt her. I'm sure if I was given the chance I would date him. I need help!!

I'm scared I'll start again. I really want to. I have this need that recently came back. It's been almost a year and it showed up now. I don't know what to do. I need help but I don't know how to ask. I'm afraid I'll disappoint everyone. If I start again everything will be better. I'll be relaxed, and calm. I'll get more sleep. I wont be up half the night thinking if I should or shouldn't I don't know anymore.

Sitting in a study hall bored. I started my chem. homework but really don't wast to finish it. I can't wait until my TA form gets approved, then I wont have to sit here bored. I'm in a really good mood though. I wasn't until after lunch. Lunch kinda sucked. Alex's annoying friend doesn't have anywhere to sit so she has to sit by us. She';s really annoying and obnoxious. Her and Alex are really getting annoying about the Paul thing. I guess Sandra told Alex its gets annoying and she kinda stopped,...

I'm scared to get close to some one. I'm scared I'll let them down. I'm scared I'll do something to cause them pain. I hate to see the look on others faces when I let them down. I don't want to do that. I want everyone to be happy, but doing so I know I wont be able to make everyone happy. The idea of getting close to some one and causing them pain scares me to death. I don't want to do that to anyone. I have problems getting close to others because of that. I'm scared they wont like me. I'm scared...

I miss it. The release. It's the best feeling I've ever had. It made me feel sane. That I was okay. It made me feel safe. The pain was gone and I no longer had to deal with it. Only for a little while though. It made me feel good, relaxed, and calm. I could go on like nothing happened. The only thing I had to worry about was the cuts and scars. Sometimes I wish I never stopped. It was my way to let my feelings out. I wasn't hurting anyone. I loved it. It never hurt. It was the greatest feeling in...

Today was okay. I got out of school early for finals. The only good part about that is my last class of the day was lunch and some of my friends are in there with me. So is Paul> and Alex I hate the way she looks at me. She tries not to look mad but she does. Paul let me wear his sweater ( which I am now in love with) and she looked mad. He let me wear it to the class I had before lunch because I was freezing and he was complaining he was to hot. She is getting on my nerves because she...

PLEASE HELP ME!! One of my good friends, Alex, likes the same guy I do (Paul) and she wont tell me. I don't know what to do. People say he likes me but I'm still confused. When my best friend, Sandra, told me I got really mad at her and possessive about Paul. I still am and feel bad because everyday I hug him and hold hands with him, and we act like a couple. I feel bad for her because of all of that. It's hard for me because I have a problem getting close to people. I feel safe with him....

Hey.. This is my first time & I'm not sure what I'll be blogging about. Hopefully I'll post everyday but I'm unsure. Blog more later. Bye