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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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Talking What do you think of my poem? - September 1st 2012, 11:05 PM

Hey guys,
I'm fairly new here. I love to write and this is one of my newest poems. Tell me what you think. It's called "Broken Beyond Repair"

I cannot let go of the past.
I'm always contemplating which day should be my last.
Life is a beautiful lie, death is the ugly truth.
It's all about fighting the battles of your youth.


I wish I was someone other than me.
I'm fighting to make the mirror happy.
The weight I lose is never enough.
This is life, It's time to get tough.


While I'm starving to be thin,
I cut to release the pain from within.
As I watch my pain bleed out,
I am silent, but I want to shout.


Anxiety makes me unable to breathe.
Screw this life, I want to leave.
Anxiety keeps me up all night.
I don't have much more of a fight.


I hide my depression with a smile.
As life flashes before me, I'm in denial.
Everything looks so bleak.
I am tired, and so weak.


I'm tired of living in this hell.
I wish this was my last farewell.
I live my life in constant doubt.
Suicide seems like the only way out.


I lost the battle, not the war.
Someday, recovery will come knocking at my door.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 2nd 2012, 12:32 AM

This is really good! I love it. I can totally feel the emotion in this. I really love the last 2 lines.
   
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 2nd 2012, 02:27 AM

I think it's great! You're a really talented writer.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 2nd 2012, 08:20 PM

You're a very talented writer, I especially love the last two lines


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 2nd 2012, 11:20 PM

Thanks If you'd like, I'll post more but move in into a different part of the forums
   
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 4th 2012, 08:03 AM

This is amazing! You're really talented, i'd love to read more poems.
The part that stood out the most to me is, "It's all about fighting battles with your youth" That brought back memories. Keep writing.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 5th 2012, 12:13 AM

Thanks for all the good feedback I've posted another one under 'self expression' It's called 'Silent Screams' I will post poems as often as I can. I would like feedback on that, too please.


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They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 5th 2012, 01:28 AM

I love it. I love to write, too. I wrote a poem book (Called Schizophrenic) and put it on Figment. If you don't know what figment is, know what it is cause it's awesome!

Anyway, I know writing always helps me..
You're talented, grasshopper. :3


The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say


~Julia~

   
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 12th 2012, 10:33 AM

i love it! ur great @ writing poems
   
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Re: What do you think of my poem? - September 12th 2012, 10:40 AM

I love it! Keep it UP!

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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