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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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My dad found out about my self harm scars - December 23rd 2016, 09:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I used to self harm on my arms a while back, (I was naïve then and went "across the street" instead of going "down the street." Then for some reason I stopped. I don't exactly remember why but I haven't touched a razor or anything else of the sort since then. I don't really care why I stopped. I'm just glad it didn't get too severe. My dad came into my room earlier today, and he was handing me a smoothie that he made. So I reached out my arm, unfortunately I was wearing short sleeves. (my scars aren't even scars(??). they're like.. i don't know how to describe it. its like a color darker than my skin but there's no sight of blood or anything. but anyway they go across my arm until a bit past my elbow. I thought no one could see it anymore and I was just hallucinating but jfc was I wrong.) Then he asked me what was wrong with my arm and I just got so scared because I didnt know anyone could see it and I thought it was just me (as mentioned above). I lied to him and said it was my friend's dog that did it. This was a very stupid attempt at lying. He asked me why I was lying because I haven't seen that friend in like a month. Then I told him I was testing my mom's makeup products on my arm earlier that day (like you know how the makeup gurus test the color on their hand). He still didn't believe me so I was like "oohhhhhh now I remember! it's from that time we went to the beach and I put sunscreen on really weird and it's like uneven skin tones!" I do realize that this is stupid. I was so flustered and I didn't know what kind of excuse to make up. I'm really scared and I know I shouldn't have done it on my arm. Please don't tell me to tell him about the scars because even though I said it was a while ago, it was actually a few months ago that I did it. I just really don't want him to find out. I'm terrified that he will send me somewhere to like a mental help or therapy or to a doctor!! He almost called my friend's dad (the one mentioned above) to ask if her dog scratched me. And asked me if I hurt myself. Of course I laughed that off and called him a noob camper. I dont even know what to do anymore I just dont want him to find out.
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Re: My dad found out about my self harm scars - December 23rd 2016, 10:23 PM

Hi there,

Thank you for coming to us here

I can relate to having people see scars and trying to come up with excuses that to us sounds ok at the time but makes no sense to the other person and then later on I have often thought how did I think they were going to believe that. I think it you protecting yourself though and thats okay.

Being a few months self harm free is blummin amazing! I don't know if you still struggle with urges etc but if you do and you want to talk to us about please do. We are not going to judge you but we will listen to you and try to help you as best as we can; that is what we're here for.

Can I ask if the only reason you don't want him to know is because you're scared that he will put you in hospital or send you to therapy? Because if you haven't hurt yourself in that amount of time and it came out now, this would be very very unlikely. I doubt very much hospital would be an option (unless you are at risk to yourself now) and therapy is an option for any one in the world with or with out these issues but I don't see how he can force you to go to therapy because at the end of the day, it would be your choice. But telling him might not be the worst thing. I am not going to tell you what to do, this is your choice. But just remember he loves and cares about you.

Please know that we are always here for you if you need anything. You are never alone and we'll always do our best to help you!

Hope and wishes,

’Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.’

Big sis, always and forever, 15/04/2018
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Re: My dad found out about my self harm scars - December 24th 2016, 06:41 AM

Hey there,

First off, congratulations on being a few months SH free! I know how hard that is to achieve, and you've come so far just by virtue of that!

In regards to your dad, I agree with Jessie that if you're unwilling to tell your dad because you're scared he will send you to the hospital or to therapy, there's a small chance that he will actually do so. Your dad is most likely just concerned and worried for you, like all parents are. He wants to be there to protect you, not to send you off somewhere where you'll be alone with strangers. But, as Jessie said, we're definitely not going to pressure you into telling him in any way because it is your life and your choice. Honestly, I think that he might already know, and he just wants to hear it from you without directly asking. He loves you and will always care for you, and you telling him or keeping it from him won't change that.

Hope this helped and feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

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Re: My dad found out about my self harm scars - December 28th 2016, 08:10 AM

Are you depressed? Usually cutting is a sign of serious depression.

Hospitals are for people who can not function at all. They're expensive, so there's a huge incentive to NOT put anyone in the hospital psych ward. Outpatient treatment is greatly preferred.

If your dad found out he would take you to a doctor. A doctor will ask if you are suicidal. If answer is No, he'll offer to prescribe some antidepressant medication for you. Or, If you answer Yes, he'll ask if you've attempted suicide before, if not, he'll give you meds and send you home with a phone number to call if you feel suicidal again. If yes, he'll still send you home if you want to.

The only people who go to the hospital psych ward are people who beg to go there, because they feel so bad they want help, or people who are so far gone they can't function, and have lost touch with reality, and even then there's some strict rules, such as a whole bunch of doctors and nurses have to agree this person is way out of their mind and needs help.

Plus the hospital psych ward is actually a very nice place. Quiet, calm, peaceful, with friendly staff, Well trained, caring. I visit people there all the time.

So all that will happen is you'll be given a prescription and sent home.

Dad's probably the one freaking out right now. He doesn't recognize the marks, so he doesn't know about depression as a medical condition. It would take a lot of explaining and education. He doesn't know what to do. But that's easy. He should take you to a doctor. The doctor should recognise the marks. If not, then ask for a specialist. A psychiatrist doctor specializes in this field and will instantly recognize the marks and offer you some antidepressant medication, and send you home. (Psychiatrists are nice. If ot, ask for one that is.) Then the doctor can explain to your dad. (Or alternatively, he can keep it private from your dad.)

Best wishes. Hope you feel better soon.
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Re: My dad found out about my self harm scars - January 5th 2017, 11:01 AM

Hey there,

Firstly, if you aren't actively self harming any longer I doubt a hospital would take you. The fact is that they have to keep their beds open for people who are actively hurting themselves or plan on hurting themselves. Since you haven't self harmed in a few months the hospital would likely tell your dad that you should be placed in therapy and then send you guys home.

Is there are reason you are worried about getting sent to the hospital? Would you be open to going to therapy?

Personally I think you should tell your dad what is going on. I know that is a scary thing to do but it sounds like he cares about you and would want to know about this so that he can help you through it. In all reality it really isn't that awkward to acknowledge your self harm to friends and family.

I hope this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck.
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Re: My dad found out about my self harm scars - January 6th 2017, 06:01 PM

Hey there.

I understand you not wanting your dad to find out, he sounds very strict and not very understanding. But you should know that he does care about you. It's evident in the way he asked. I understand you dont want to open up to him, but just know that he cares about you. As for the hospital, you by law cannot be sent unless witness report you saying you want to kill or hurt yourself or others, or you are hurting yourself. (eg: attempting suicide, actively cutting)

As far as covering up scars or left over marks; long sleeves are good but cant always be the answer. sometimes you can use a light hoodie. Makeup works sometimes, just make sure you have the proper shade. The best thing you can do however is keep out of the sun. Where lots of sunscreen and sleeves, your arms will get paler as will the scars. Then once you start tanning again the scars will tan up too to be much less noticeable. youll need to pale down for several months though. I know its a tough thing to do but if you want them gone for good its the best method. I recommend make up or sleeves for the time being. It'll get better, of that I can promise you.

Stay safe, pm me if you need anything.

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