Triggering (SH): Cutting is Always Dissapointing for Me

[Ballsack]

Sometimes I feel like my skin itches and I want to slice it open with a editedor something, but everytime I cut myself it just feels so dissapointing. To me, a editedis too smooth to feel even remotely satisfying. The only way I could satisfy my need to hurt myself is by edited or getting beat up, but I'm a pretty big guy and also a pacifist so nobody really sees the reason to beat me up.

There's a lot of reason why I would want to hurt myself, but weirdly none of them is because I want to die. When I feel so happy I could just jump out of my skin I would try to scratch away at my own flesh as if trying to escape. But usually I feel like I'm too big for this body and I need to escape this flesh. Though lately I haven't been doing any physical self harm stuff because if I cut I'll just feel dissapointed because it's just not enough.

I don't know why I've been feeling so inhuman lately. I feel so detached from my own body. It's not necessarily distressing to me though, but it's been making me really irritated. It's like when you're trying to close an overstuffed bag but because it's overstuffed you can't close it and getting another bag to put the other belongings isn't an option either so you just have to be pissed off and try to zip up the stupid bag. It's annoying, it's overstimulating, it's under stimulating, I'm so annoyed and yet I don't care. What the fuck

[Ballsack]

I really feel like I'm wearing a human skin and trying to act like a normal human if that makes sense

[Face Up.]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going trough this!

I'm wondering if you need to use some grounding exercises, especially when you feel detached from your own body. Maybe you can do something like hold an ice cube, or list things you can see/touch/hear/smell/taste. You can also do it in categories, such as finding everything in the room that is blue, as an example.

Here is a list of alternatives. Some are for grounding but there's other alternatives there too depending on what your needs are. If one doesn't work, try not to be discouraged. There's bound to be something on the list that works!

Maybe some type of exercise would help too. It doesn't have to be anything extreme, just something to get out the pent up energy.

I hope this helps!
Dez