"I fear that my fantasies are destroying myself" UPDATE

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Hey, it's me, the same girl who made the "I fear that my fantasies are destroying myself" post. I have some updates, which are actually pretty much all positive.

I've turned fifteen and ended my ninth grade year since I made that post, and I feel a lot better. School was part of the reason for a lot of my depressive episodes, and I have high hopes that tenth grade will be a big improvement. I chose better classes (not as many honors/advanced classes so less stressful hopefully) and I will be in a couple of new programs that will help me find new friends and interests.

I find that my fantasies are actually dying down a lot. Nowadays, it's extremely rare that I'll find myself fantasizing about SS officers, and I have also stopped drawing them all the time. When I do draw them, it's not nearly as much in bad faith anymore. I'll usually draw them for the purpose of satire/historical cartoons instead of for the purpose of entertaining fantasies. (I.e. I won't draw them bound up and gagged)

I found that another thing that made me feel ashamed/unhappy about my fantasies was that I'm fifteen and the men I fantasized about were always at least, like, twenty. I'm guessing that the age gap, and the power dynamic coming from it, always made the fantasies feel especially uncomfortable. When I realized that was part of the reason for the disgust I experienced, it really helped me move onto better things.

More often nowadays I've been daydreaming about more romantic (non-sexual) and wholesome things with boys my age, and it feels a lot better. I feel like my mind has healed, at least for the most part. I feel more healthy from the inside out, and I'm so glad about it. I think (and I hope) I'm on the path of healing for good. Thank you all for your help and support. I'm grateful that I reached out back when things were really rough, because now I'm out of that rough patch and it feels great.[/size]

[Face Up.]

It sounds like things are looking up for you and you have a lot of good to look forward to in your future! I'm so happy that you updated us and am glad to hear that you're doing better than you work. Here's hoping tenth grade will be good to you.

[Dude111]

Im glad things are looking better and all!!!!!

Thanks for the update!!

[Astro04]

Woo! That's a really beautiful news!

Let's continue on this way!