Supporting her with her anorexia.

[Palmolive]

My sister started the battle with anorexia around two years ago. We didnt know for a few months, until she lost so much weight. We started finding food she had hidden, and scales in her room. After being admitted into a unit twice for being underweight, shes lost all the weight again and is struggling. I never knew much about anorexia. I saw the odd things on tv but never realized how much it affect someones life, and the people around that person.
Thing is, im stuggling at the moment with my own issues. Im not sure how i can support her. She's always talking to me about it, and i cant deal with it but at the same time i have to be there for her.
Does anyone know what kind of support i need to give her?
Thankyou

[udontno]

Jess,

I'm going to take a different approach to this than some people will. You are fifteen years old. You have things going on in your life and your own issues. You can't deal with what your sister is going through on top of your own stuff. I understand that you want to be there for her, but at the end of the day your mental health is more important than risking yourself to help your sister.

Your sister has got to do this. She doesn't have to do it alone, but she has to recover. Unfortunately, recovery is something that is mostly alone--well, it was for me and for a lot of people. You've got people standing behind you and helping you, but it is something that YOU have to do for YOU. You can't have someone else decide it for you. It's got to be what you want. If your sister doesn't want to get better, then there is nothing you can do. She's got to want it and she's got to be dedicated to trying to overcome this.

If your sister wants to talk and you simply can't hear it right then, let her know. Point her in the direction of someone who can help her. It'll be alright. <3

[Jen]

Hey Jess <3

I'm really impressed with this post. You really recognize that you need to put yourself first, and get better with your own things, before you can help someone else fully, and that's an amazing realization. It takes most people a long time to realize that--myself included. Good for you.

I think there is a difference between being there to support your sister, and totally investing yourself 100% in her issues. I think it's absolutely okay to tell her that you love her, and you want to be there for her, and you will always believe in her, but that you can't help her until you help yourself, and right now you need to focus on yourself. It's the same thing with her--she needs to fix herself, and yes she needs support, but SHE is the one that needs to do it.

And, of course, this isn't to say that you should tell your sister that you never want to talk to her or hang out with her, but let her know that until you are in a more stable place, you need to put up some boundaries, because you need to take care of yourself as well. And overall, Jess, the best thing you can do for your sister is tell her you love her and that you believe in her. Often times that's all anyone wants, you know?

I'm proud of you for putting yourself first.
<3

[Ady-]

I agree with the other two posts. Sometimes its important to put yourself first. This might not be the advice you were hoping for but here it goes anyway.

When your happy with yourself and feel upto helping others then you should do so. But if you yourself aren't feeling too wonderful then how can you expect to help other people?

i hope this helps somewhat

good luck

[Beautiful_mind]

It is important to put you first as well. You can still be there for her in your way but when things get tough for you just say to her, i am sorry can we talk about this later? or something like that and when your ready to talk to her again then you can approach her. Also talk to your mum about how your feeling. eating disorder affects everyone not just the person who has it. It's important to support her but dont lose yourself to if you have things going on make sure your helping yourself to ok.pm me anytime