Hello, all! It's been a great while since I've been on this thing. Anyway, I'm in dire need of advice in regards to my alcohol usage. I don't know what to do at this point--each and every single time I drink, I put myself in a, uh, less than desirable situation...and end up saying/doing things that I IMMENSELY regret later on For instance, last time I drank, I completely blacked out and allegedly began telling everyone that I was sexually assaulted as a child (which is a mere half-truth; there was a minor incident that occurred when I was ~7 (if I recall), but it wasn't anything serious). Apparently, I started screaming/crying that I was raped, etc., etc. The time before that, I got drunk by myself, walked to a local grocery market to purchase more alcohol, and proceeded to drink even more in the parking lot. Luckily, my boyfriend and his friend came to pick me up and took care of me the rest of the night--but I become very, um, belligerent with my boyfriend (threatening to tell the police that he'd raped me, throwing a milkshake and my makeup bag at him, etc., etc.). I don't know how/why I become this way when I'm intoxicated--I used to have such amazing and RESPONSIBLE fun when I drank before, but over the course of the past several months, I've managed to black out/turn into a complete monster when I drink. I should also make mention of the fact that I've ended up in the hospital twice due to alcohol related injuries and alcohol poisoning.
Please best rest assured that I'm not an alcoholic--I don't CRAVE alcohol the way that many alcoholics do...I always "start off" with the pure intention of having a good time and not getting "too drunk"...but something happens between being tipsy and drunk...apparently, I swipe other people's drinks, demand more alcohol, etc., etc...and I don't know what to do I don't want to never drink again because I do genuinely enjoy it (when done responsibly), but for some reason, meanwhile drunk, I completely turn into a different person
Can anyone lend me a helping hand here? I feel like such a loser
If you feel as if you need help to control your drinking, try going to an Alcoholics Anonymous open meeting a few times and try to identify if you really need some guidance. Don't be scared to go as it is only an open meeting, and you will be welcomed (trust me ). However, if you feel your problem isn't as serious, then just use your boyfriends help to control your drinking a bit more. If you still want to drink though want some guidance, bring a trusted friend along who you know won't get totally blasted and will prevent you from further drinking.
Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
An' all the mistakes one life contained
They all finally start to go away
How can I be lost?
If I've got nowhere to go?
Hi, I'll respond since nobody else did. I apologize if my answer is unhelpful. However, I will try.
Well, I'm glad you don't think you're an alcoholic. However, it raises a red flag to me that you swipe other people's alcohol and you demand more.
By admitting that you turn into a different person while intoxicated, is a good first step. I think your boyfriend has voiced his opinion to keep you away from alcohol for a while because of the vulgar behavior while intoxicated. This is a genuine concern for your well being. It seems to me that you get out of control while drinking and you're not sure what's too much and that's another warning sign for me. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say anymore, so I apologize, but I agree with staying away from alcohol and giving it a break for a little while.
Maybe make sure someone with you limits you and you don't go back for more while intoxicated. I know you like the feeling of drinking and what-not. But if you continue down this path, it could lead to alcoholism. That sounds like the last thing you want. If you really don't want to stop drinking all together, then try to limit yourself, stay around people who care about you, and maybe talk to someone (like a professional) about why you may be doing this.
Again, I'm so sorry if my post was no help. I just couldn't leave the post without replying back to your questions.
I strongly recommend you look at this link. It's a list of questions from AA designed to determine if you do have a problem with alcohol. It might be quite eye-opening for you.
To be entirely honest, to me, it does sound like you are an alcoholic or at least are seriously heading down that path. You say that you don't crave alcohol, but now you haven't had any for a while, you are starting to want it more. You have been hospitalised and done things that you seriously regret while drinking, and yet that hasn't stopped you from having alcohol. You try to set limits to your drinking, but are unable to stick to them. These are serious red flags that do indicate that you abuse alcohol.
I know it's probably really hard to hear this. Nobody wants to be called an alcoholic. There's this terribly negative stereotype about alcoholics and no one wants to be associated with that. But the fact is that alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes and not fitting the stereotype doesn't mean that you are not an alcoholic.
No one can make you get help if you don't want to. And no one can convince you that you need help if you don't believe it yourself. But I strongly suggest that you go to some AA meetings or set up an appointment with a counsellor. These might help you realise that your drinking is a serious problem and needs to be dealt with.
I hope this helps, even though it might be confronting. And I think it's really brave for you to come here and talk about all this.
I had a similar problem, except that my personality didn't change when I was drinking. One thing that helps is to pace yourself -- use a damn clock if you have to. For example, tell yourself you will have one drink per hour or something. I used to take multiple shots at once, drink 9 or 10 drinks in one hour, etc. Later in the night, I'd feel tremendously drunk and sick, and end up vomiting all over the place.
Take some time off from drinking, maybe a week or two. If you find this difficult, you may be in the early stages of alcoholism, in which case I'd recommend what others already have (AA, speaking with a counselor, etc.)
Try to drink with meals instead of at parties -- it's a lot easier to pace yourself that way.
Sorry if this is all terrible advice, I made it through but I can barely remember how (must have been the alcohol ), and I'm actually drinking right now .
Not to scare you, but alcohol abuse can cause major mental problems. I had no history of depression before my freshman year drinking binge, and am currently on effexor and lamictal. Korsakoff's psychosis is another fun one to investigate.
I hope you are able to enjoy alcohol in a healthy capacity, and wish you luck in kicking the habit.
The neon burns a hole in the night, and the Freon burns a hole in the sky.
You can find my kind living right on the fault line, eyes on the seaside, lives on the B-side, kites on the power lines.