This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.
Sooo in my absence from here I've been using OTC (over the counter)s. But I've managed to kick the other bad habits I used to have, it's just these little pills now.
Now, I tell myself I'm not addicted because they aren't the type of drug that's habit forming(if I was to look outside of this as if it were another person, I'd say it was a problem. But it's me so it's different, does that make sense?). But I've had my ever-helpful guidance counsellor tell me that I am in his kind way of saying it indirectly. And my social worker. I was taking them fairly often, and my parents found out and took what I had away. Two days later I was experiencing what was explained to me as 'withdrawl'. I laughed and shook it off, research claimed that the OTC I was using didn't have that.
I went 5 or so days before I got more. I couldn't stand the pain I was in and had to use again. And all the emotions and problems I was blocking out were hitting me hard and causing major anxiety that I never had before in such a degree. It's like I need them to control my problems, and when I think about giving them up or asking someone for help, it's an overwhelming feeling of doing a large dose so I can just forget everything. Hate them, don't get me wrong. I'm in no way enjoying them (save for maybe the first half hour of the high feeling, and they last about 8-12 hours) and I can't explain as to why I still use them.
I guess I'm just looking for advice. I can feel the personality switch starting in me, people point out the visible changes in me. I would ask for the help, but to be honest I'm afraid of having to go back into a hospital. I don't want my parents mad at me, and I don't want to miss school agan. I really don't know what to do with myself and this crap I'm taking.
Hey there, first off its a good sign your at least admitting here that you feel there is something wrong and you might be in need of some help. So kudos :]
Anyways, my advice would be to get help. Forget school and your parents for now, fixing yourself is more important. Your parents want you to be healthy and happy.
Admitting you have a problem is the hardest thing to do, I understand that.
But once you do you can take the next steps of getting rid of said problem.
I would suggest even as a first step maybe getting a real counselor and talking to them about things. Talking to just one person about your true feelings about this possible addiction and other things can feel so weight lifting.
Give it a shot?