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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 14th 2014, 10:09 PM
One hour and I am freaking out. I can't fucking handle this. Such a terrible headache and no amount of makeup is going to hide my swollen eyes. I hate today. I miss you Stitch and I wish you were here and that I wasn't going to your memorial. Fuck. I can't do this.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 14th 2014, 11:25 PM
You've had a month to tell me something you said I would know in 2 weeks and You've had 2 weeks to answer the email where I asked for what you accused me of being resistant to.
I don't know whether I should ask again and resend those or if I should take your lack of response as my answer.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 16th 2014, 05:27 AM
Everything I can find is telling me it's over and so is the fact that you suddenly stopped answering. If you do try this I WILL fight you on it. I have to be notified in writing and I have not been. That's what matters. This looks really bad and I'm SCARED! I will take responsibility for my part of this, but I will not allow professionals to treat me like crap and then blame me for it. I have documentation too and I have a right to yours.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 16th 2014, 07:10 PM
Please approve the change, I have less than that minimum payment in my checking account and I owe on 2 other loans. I only have to pay it once before I can defer them again, but I can't come up with it and ending up defaulted over the only payment I should have to make for 2 years is just wrong.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 17th 2014, 05:02 AM
Thank you for bringing those triggering memories back up. You are doing a great job! There's a reason why I don't talk about it. Thanks for ruining my day
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 17th 2014, 08:54 AM
I'm convinced I'm at fault. But I don't want to put things right. I'm done being an option in everyone's life. I'm fine being alone. I'm such a fuck up, I'll spoil things up more instead of making things right. Oh and yes, you can ignore me. Everybody does. Who would want to talk to me anyways. Why did you message me the other day? Because you were bored, right. Well, I think I will continue being the joker and continue to entertain you when you are bored. If only the pain in my heart would go away, if I could just trade my heart with a stone. I bet being emotionless would be so much easier.
Whom am I talking to anyways.
*silence*
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 17th 2014, 11:59 AM
It's taking more and more focus to pull myself away from those thoughts. I've never been an active self harmer but fuck this, right now I want to rip the flesh until my bones are seen. Why? I don't know, I'm feeling like I'm a different person, I feel nothing, just pure anger and utter void.
I want to die again. I'm craving this with burning passion.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 17th 2014, 01:32 PM
Fucking useless piece of shit. I wish you were never born. You are such a disgrace to the family. You are going to be the death of me, one day. I regret the day I gave birth to you. Oh God! Why did you give me such a failure of a child. I'd rather have died than brought her up. I'd rather bring up a few dogs than have anything to do with this worthless piece of shit
*cut*
I don't know why, but I still love you mom.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 17th 2014, 06:26 PM
Okay,ignore me, that's cool. Unless you're waiting until the end of the semester to tell me. I'm in the clear. 2 emails in 2 weeks after no response is NOT nagging and it better not come back to bite me. And one email in a month after not hearing anything isn't nagging either. I don't want to have to use the student ombuds, but don't think I won't. I need you and him on my side here which is the only reason I haven't seriously considered it.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 18th 2014, 11:43 AM
Fuck off please. I'm begging you to leave me alone now. You fucking know I'm a scared chicken and I want tell anybody but that does not mean you continue to be such a jerk. Leave me alone, I don't want to have anything to do with you.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 18th 2014, 08:42 PM
I DESERVE an answer, at least from you. You're the one it makes look bad if I don't get one, but I'M the one it drives INSANE. Learn to communicate, all of you! And you have complaints about MY professional behavior. At least you don't leave an interaction with me wondering where I stand or where your future's going.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Last edited by Kate*; November 19th 2014 at 06:17 PM.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 19th 2014, 05:10 PM
I'm done. I'm never going to be important. No one will miss me in any way shape or form, I'll never amount to anything more then a worthless pathetic fuck up failure. I am done. Guess all that was a lie. I don't deserve to be here. I should and will be gone.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 19th 2014, 05:34 PM
I guess I'm just never fucking allowed to be happy, am I? Everything was finally perfect; therapy was going well, I was doing great in school, I'd worked things out with her, his and my relationship was finally getting back to a good place, and I finally wasn't so worried about the past anymore. Everything was fucking perfect, but it never gets to stay that way, does it? Something always fucking has to go wrong. And now there's this situation, this goddamn fucking ugly situation and I don't know how to fucking fix it. I lose something either way, and I'll be resentful of someone either way. I guess I don't get to be happy. As if I haven't already had enough pain in the last few months. As if my life weren't already enough of a goddamn mess.
I don't deserve this shit, dammit. I've suffered enough in my life. It's my turn to be happy, and you fucking have to take it away from me, don't you? You have to fucking make me choose. Well guess what, I don't want to choose. I don't want to play your stupid games. Go fuck with someone else's life and leave me alone. I've gone through enough shit. You're a fucking asshole, you fucking fuck, giving people peace and happiness just to snatch it all away from them. I bet you feel so superior. If you're so perfect why do you have to fuck with people, huh? I thought you loved us. And don't give me that bullshit about "suffering makes you stronger;" I've had enough strengthening in the past few years. Why don't I get to catch a break, huh? When will things smooth out for me? I'll probably regret saying all this later, and I still love you, but right now I'm fucking pissed, and I think you can probably handle it. After all, I have to tell someone, and it might as well be you.
Sometimes I don't know why you saved me. Sometimes I think you should have just let me die that day. Because I'm obviously worth nothing. Absolutely nothing. And maybe everything does happen for a reason, I don't know. But right now I am really struggling to know what that reason is.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 19th 2014, 09:53 PM
You are in for a FIGHT I hope you know that! And after doing it over MY professional behavior, I find out by realizing that my CLASSES WERE DROPPED! So much for the written notice and knowing within 1-2 WEEKS, it's been OVER A MONTH. that explains why you never responded to me.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 20th 2014, 02:34 AM
It's time to face the downfall, I have to let in all the depressing thoughts and just everything at me. I can't keep them caged in and pretend they dont exist as I have been for the week. But that what my doctor said, just enjoy the vacation... and I need to. I can't let it ruin me.
I just need to pretend some bad things in the world don't exist and that means not acknowledging the few people i know who are suffering and I cant do fucking anyhting to help them
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 20th 2014, 10:15 AM
I hate what's happening, I hate how things are. I want to improve everything, but I don't know how to. I'm sure I will fuck things up more. I hate this. This is so fucking unfair. Now, I have one more reason to cut about, but I have no reason to hold me back. I hate my life, it's like living a nightmare. I wish I wasn't born. I wish I could end all this. I hate myself, just like everyone hates me. What's the use of living?
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 20th 2014, 04:29 PM
Anything to speed it up. Hour after hour after hour. It's becoming unbearable. I hate numbers, the concept of speed...
... money, materialism, place, the way things just stretch and you are supposed to appreciate the mediocre and ordinary you have until you'd get a chance to get/earn something better. Except that this is... killing me.
Not to mention I feel physically weak today. Another amazing fact. Not sure if it's because I'm failing mentally, bad sleep pattern, hate and lack of will, self hate, or what.
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 20th 2014, 10:46 PM
Oh my god.
I'm too worried for my sweetheart, she gotta be okay.
It's nothing tragic, she'll... she'll come back and it's all gonna be okay.
I can't be partly ill (although recovering) and have a swarm of depressing thoughts and worries around my head like a garbage attraction.
I can't handle my heart going this fast and intense...
Re: Screaming thread. -
November 21st 2014, 03:29 AM
I can't f***ing do this anymore, I'm fighting just like I said I would and expecting a no. I can't take the stress of being in limbo anymore. I need him now more than ever and I can't see him anymore either. My ENTIRE LIFE has COLLAPSED. I'm just not strong enough to hold on anymore.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte