My parents could’ve helped me years ago.

[Ennui.]

My aunt is bipolar like me so we can relate to each other a little bit. I told my aunt about how I was in the psych hospital and she said that she told my parents I’d need help one day. She knew that I’d need help back when I first got my period. Apparently my mom brushed her off and said that no, that won’t happen. I was eleven when I first got my period. Eleven. It means I started showing outward signs of mental illness earlier than I thought. My parents could’ve gotten me help and treatment before it got bad. Before I started self harming.

I need to learn how to accept this.

[Celyn]

I've not been in your situation before but have gone through something slightly similar, although different. I'm not sure if my way of thinking will help you at all but just wanted to share my thoughts.

Most parents love their children and want what's best for them. It can be hard to accept that their child may one day struggle with something, especially if they have seen what other family members have gone through and experienced. In a way, it's easy to deny this. It might be that your parents had their own thoughts...perhaps they thought that just because your aunt has bipolar it doesn't necessarily mean that you will get it too. Or perhaps they dismissed your aunt BECAUSE of her bipolar or maybe thought that you would be too young to be showing signs of mental illness (and further dismissing your aunt). Or perhaps they thought that something happened in your aunt's life to cause her bipolar but your parents wouldn't let anything happen to you that could trigger such an illness. In a way, they could protect you from it.

Not knowing enough about bipolar or perhaps only knowing what the worst of bipolar looks like (or worse than that, not believing in bipolar), combined with dismissing your aunt, could make it easy for your parents to miss early warning signs. Puberty and the teenage years are hard and there is often a lot of changes going on emotionally and mentally. I imagine it's very easy to dismiss any concerns as just being a 'moody' teenager or that it's a phase you will grow out of.

Obviously this doesn't help you. You suffered and struggled until your mental health got worse and you were self-harming. It's hard knowing that all of that could've been avoided had your parents listened to your aunt's concerns.

But it can help to remember that our parents are from an older generation to us and they had nowhere near the amount or access to the amount of information we have these days about mental illness. A lot of what out parents may have known about mental illness would be things they've seen or heard from others and things these days that we would not allow (myths, stigma, misconceptions). This creates a breeding ground for misinformation and misunderstanding. Mental illness itself was a taboo subject and those with mental illness used to be treated so terribly generations ago (thinking of lobotomies and ect therapy in the last century). It might not be very relevant, but I thinking building some context might help to explain possible reasons for why your parents didn't get you help sooner.

Is it possible to talk to your mom about this? If she knows and accepts that you have bipolar, then it might help to listen to her reasons.

[Dawn.]

I'm really sorry, Dez, that you are going through this. I cannot even begin to imagine what you must be feeling. The only advice I can give you is the reassurance that my inbox will always be open for you to have a chat about anything.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello Dez,

I am so sorry about all of this and I hope that you will be okay soon. When we are growing up we need our parents to be with us and no matter what we are going through, they should be helping us with what we are going through. If they don't know anything about it, then they find someone to help them understand so they can help us to be okay soon. I'm sorry about how you started to self harm and I hope that you will be okay soon. Try to find something to help you get your mind off of this so that you are not thinking about it for a while, going for a walk or listening to music or watching movies or TV shows or playing games or something else that you enjoy doing and I hope you will be okay soon. Sending you to help.

[Kate*]

Same here. Mental illness runs strong on one side of my family, and my anxiety was blatantly obvious practically from birth. My parents never even suggested professional help as an option. I started meds at 29 and said to myself 'You mean I could've been this much better DECADES AGO?!" I felt the same way when I got my disability diagnosis.

My dad is the master of denial and somehow grew out of his own severe anxiety, so he just told to get over it. I'm 34 and he's still in denial about everything that makes me atypical.

Sometimes our parents genuinely don't know, and other times, their own denial ends up hurting us. People don't become perfect when they become parents, they're still human and that's my best guess about what happened with me and maybe with you too.