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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 20th 2009, 06:06 PM
Two years ago I was with my first boyfriend at a party. We'd broken up but were still in love, but his parents hated me so he couldn't tell them we were together. That night I met someone who thought I was beautiful. I stayed at the party with him when my first boyfriend went home. We then dated for a year and a half. I wish I had chosen differently, but I don't have the guts to tell him.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 21st 2009, 12:57 AM
I love him and I wish I didn't.
I hate his girlfriend.
I know I'm not pretty enough.
I know that my real friends are the ones I treat the worst.
I want to get away from someone I thought was my friend.
But I know it won't happen because I'm not strong enough to do anything on my own.
I'm so tired of pretending everything's okay, my tears are starting to show and my smile is fading away.
PM or VM me if you need me, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or to just listen. I also have most messangers if you want to talk on one of those.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 23rd 2009, 01:29 AM
it wasn't completely an accident when i totaled my car last week.
what kind of labyrinth is this
that sends you laughing
without smiling?
age brings a sad little surprise
and in case you didn't
realize
while you were calculating tears,
my head
expired.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 23rd 2009, 01:52 AM
I have myself convinced that nobody really cares what happens, nobody really loves me, nobody really cares. Nobody can make me believe these irrational lies.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 23rd 2009, 03:38 AM
My Dirty Little Secret.
I masturbate, even when I have no reason to. It's a horrible thing to me, and I hate it.
I don't say "I love you" because I don't mean it.
I closed my heart to most people, but when i try to open it, there's something that tells me not to, because I will always be hurt.
I feel like I don't deserve happiness or love. So I constantly make myself feel bad, or think of myself as depressed so I don't have to be happy.
I want to run away. I want to die. I want to get rid of this life. I'm not worth anything.
I hate myself.
And I feel that no one is going to love me for who I am. That every compliment I receive is fake. No one means what they say. I constantly hate myself for causing the pain in my life.
I don't deserve this.
[ Life ] keeps going on, No matter how much it hurts.
Just take a deep -- breath -->. < Smile. >
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 28th 2009, 02:08 PM
I should tell you how I feel but I'm scared you don't care anymore. Why did I fall for someone that hurts me?
I push away everyone that matters to me and I can't stand it. Why do I keep making myself unhappy?
I'm medicated, how are you?
"Nothing's perfect but it has to be someday..."
-Craig Owens
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 28th 2009, 02:55 PM
I wish I could dance like they do on Dirty Dancing and this older movie called Dance with me.
Some say the world will end in fire Some say in ice
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire
But if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great And would suffice.
-- Robert Frost--
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 28th 2009, 08:31 PM
1. Sometimes I regret falling in love 2. I hate most of my family 3. I love to hate 4. I'm constantly getting jealous of my best friend 5. People I stronly dislike I wish them dead 6. I like to use my brother's body wash even if it makes me smell like a guy =P 7. Most of the time i'm wearing a fake smile
I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 28th 2009, 09:06 PM
I've kissed girls before, but there are only three people who know it out of everyone.
I tell everyone that I don't care about him, but in the back of my mind I know if he asked me out I would say yes.
There's this one guy in my science class who I would totally have a one-night stand with if he wanted it.
Don't judge me, those are my darkest secrets revealed.
Last edited by xoxtammixox; December 29th 2009 at 02:59 AM.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 29th 2009, 07:08 AM
I still use his deodorant because it makes me feel safe. He still comes and stays with me when I need somebody to look after me. He's the one I'll call instead of upsetting her in the night. I know she's jealous and it makes me laugh. It's not like I'm going to steal him, is it? OH HAI STALKER. <3
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 29th 2009, 07:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie
I know it's all paranoia but I just can't help but feel that everyone is looking at me, judging me, laughing at me, saying horrible things about me and even listening to what I think. It makes me scared to think certain things in public in case they do hear my thoughts and laugh at how stupid they are. But then I just feel stupid for believing someone would even pay attention to me enough to do all the things I stated above.
I feel that way all the time.
You have me.
Until every last star in the galaxy dies.
You have me.
- Amie Kaufman
NEED TO VENT? CLICK HERE.
Never forget, you are not alone. ♥
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 30th 2009, 07:10 PM
I can't believe that he is always on my mind since I don't even know why I'd care about him...
I hate people. Why? They are extremely immature and always make a big deal out of nothing. They lie, they cause pointless and unnecessary drama and they are just awful.
Why am I wasting my time?
Why is it impossible to have a conversation with my dad without getting into an argument?
Will I ever be able to have a life and be a normal teenager?
I constantly have an urge to drink. However, I don't since I'm afraid of my dad...
♥
"I've never told a lie,
and that makes me a liar,
I've never made a bet,
but we gamble with desire,
I've never lit a match,
with intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames,
are getting out of control. "
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 31st 2009, 01:59 AM
No, I'm not okay. I don't think you love me.
I seek attention and compliments elsewhere because I don't get any from you. This makes me sound like a spoiled brat, I know, but I'm not. I'm really not. I just want to know that you care about me. You have made me cry more times then I can count. I want to be strong. I want to not let this affect me. But... I can't. I really can't. All my yelling and screaming that makes you yell back at me and make fun of me to everyone else behind my back... don't you see!?!? Don't you see that's the ONLY way I can get attention from you? I'm NOT a spoiled, self-absorbed brat. I'm not! I... I love you. Do you love me, too? Do you? Sometimes I don't know. I don't think I can keep up this act anymore. Please. Please. I need you. I want these feelings that you hate me and don't care about me to go away. We fight every day, mommy. I know we do, and I know you're tired of it. I am, too. But... you spend all your time cleaning, or with Jeremy and Thomas, and you'd never look my way if we didn't fight. And daddy... you're never home. Except for in the mornings. When we're at school. And you don't come home until after we go to sleep. I miss you.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 8th 2010, 02:17 PM
I never never look more than a week ahead... It scares me...
How can one love themselves, when they love absolutely nothing?
Do something that is interesting. If it is not interesting, find out why it is not interesting.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 8th 2010, 09:29 PM
I can't promise to never leave because I no longer value my life. I guess you can say the biggest lie I'm living is the one that promises I'll always be here and alive.
01 // 10 // 11
Baby stand tall. You can have it all.
Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 9th 2010, 12:17 AM
Like Penny with Leonard, I don't want him to know I'm not entirely smart. I'd love his help with my math work (cause he's brilliant), but I know he's busy like always, and mainly I don't want to admit I can't remember how to do things I knew when I was 8. I used to be academically advanced, but stopped caring. Wish I had a Sheldon to go to for help... except he IS my Sheldon.
I'm always mixing up my "acquaintances" with my "friends" and when I sort them out, the results are kind of saddening.
-Let the Music Play-
"There's no way to explain why life is filled with so much pain. But do the flowers ever grow in the places it don't rain?"
"But the unfortunate truth is that, while being different from everyone else can be exciting at first, ultimately it can get a little lonely."
"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further."
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 9th 2010, 01:19 AM
I really don't know how much longer I can do this for. It's wearing me out physically and mentally. I'm seriously ready to go back to cutting. It helped way too much. I'm about ready to give up, a little at a time. Starting with school, and ending with my life.
Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 9th 2010, 06:14 PM
It doesn't matter if I don't want to.. I am probably going to flunk this year, i just can't take this shit any more. Who knows what else I will ruin.
"Wondering, wonder, wonderer
You're searching for what, what is to search
You're longing and looking once again for a home
Angery, anger and agony
The pain is pain, pain is to be
The remedy is on its way it will relieve
Been through the fire and been through the rain
Called the wonderer and yet have no name
If I were you won't you want me or is in my head.
Or is it in my head
Or is it in my head"
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 9th 2010, 09:42 PM
1. I kissed him. I dont want to be with him, but it felt so good. he makes me happy. I still wonder if i love him. I stil wonder if we're soul mates. when its just us 2, everythings perfect. then other people come around and it all falls apart.
2. i dont think i can handle a relationship anymore. its driving me crazy. hes always getting on my nerves.
i dont think i love him anymore, but i need him and i dont want to loose him, dont want to hurt him, and definately dont want anyone else to have him.
I shouldve got out months ago when i found out how much he loves me. i just wanted him to be happy and prove i was better than his ex.
3. Ive started cutting again.
4. Ive been thinking about injuring myself enough so i get put in hospital. it means i get away from home, get away from college, and find out who actually cares....
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 9th 2010, 10:12 PM
I think I'm falling in love with someone who I've only known a few weeks ... and is leaving in a few more. It scares the hell out of me but I don't want it to stop.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
January 10th 2010, 02:11 AM
texting him to freak out last week over the crap he was talking about me.. after not talking in about 7 months.. turned into making up.
and im scared.
im scared to put myself in this situation again.
im afraid i still love him, but for who he was before..
because he seems to have changed SO much..
he drinks everyday regardless..
has cheated on every girlfriend since me..
and god only knows what else..