Say something you wish you could say to their face.

[bitesize]

I'm starting to wonder if you're still interested. Which makes me kind of sad. I know we don't have a lot of time between us, but I hope I don't like you more than you like me, because that's annoying. (If you do still like me...?) I thought we had an almost perfect situation - casual sex and occasional meet-ups, with intelligent, amusing conversation by text almost every day in between, and no pressure, no wanting it to be more than it is, or anything. I don't want a relationship or anything silly like that, ew, I don't even want anything especially romantic. But you're cute and I like you and I kind of hoped we were on the same page.

- I have no idea what tomorrow is going to be like. It could be incredibly awkward. I'm still upset with you, and probably will be until your results come in. I'm going to try my best to have a good time and remember that I still like you.

- For some reason I cried today when I couldn't patch a call through to you. I don't know why. Life just feels like it's been so hard lately and I want nothing more than you to hold me. And I know you're having fun on your trip but I can't help but wish the time would pass by more quickly. And though I don't want you to be sad or lonely, I'm a little glad that you miss me, too. It means that in my own way I have a hold on you.

[Storyteller.]

I know you're just trying to be amusing, but I'm really sensitive at the moment and that was a little bit disheartening.

[Darkened_Empress]

I've been cutting again...

- You know, I thought I could handle being alone on this stupid Hallmark holiday, but I woke up and it just hit me wrong. You were the first thing on my mind, and now I can't get you out of it. This is my first Valentine's Day without you. We were together for four years and now our relationship's just dead. And I will never get to tell you this but it's really more my fault than I made it out to be. Sometimes, I think about what it would be like if we hadn't broken up. If I hadn't been so damn prideful. I wonder if you're thinking about me today, if you're sad, too. Probably not. This is probably a burden I have to bear alone.

I just want you to know that I really loved you. We had the real thing. It's probably the closest I will ever get to "true love," even though I don't believe in that. And I have so many regrets. I thought I wouldn't but I do. I let you go. I should have fought for us, but I didn't. And now I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. I am so sorry. I am so sorry I gave up. And I really hope that you forgive me, because God knows I don't forgive myself.

- I know we're doing our Valentine's Day together tomorrow, but I'm not really that excited for it right now. And I know it's horrible but I don't really want to talk to you today. Your "I hear yous" are frankly just annoying me. I just want to be alone right now.

- I miss you so much. Three weeks cannot come fast enough. I've been meeting new people, yet this has been a lonely two months without you. When you do return, expect me not to let go for some time.

- I really wish I didn't like you so much. That would make this whole situation so much easier.

[DYon]

>>> Today is "the holiday" I was talking about that upsets me most. You know, I so really badly want to tell you "I love you" so many times I see you, but don't because I know you don't want me to feel that way. It's so hard for me to not say anything, because I just want to let you know, but I can't because you don't want me to...or at least it feels like you don't want me to.

>>> You know, I've been thinking about it more. If it's so important for you to not want me to love you, maybe I should try and stop. I know I can't, but if I did, I would want you to realize that I would never need your permission again to hurt myself. I don't want you to take that for granted. The only reason I told you I ever needed your permission was because I love you so much, that the only way for me to stop myself is to hear you say "David, no".

>>> You know I can't fall out of love with you, why are you trying so hard then? You know, you are my world and you are the only person I want to spend it with. I mean that with all of my heart. The only reason some days I get out of bed is because of you - I know you would want me to do my best.

>>> I'm just going to say it here, wishing I could say it to you, in-person or via a message..."I love you". You can see in my eyes how much I mean it, and that there is no other person in this world that makes me as happy as you do. You would probably also see my tearing up because when I get overly emotional, I tend to have a few tears. When you look into my eyes, you see what I love and care for most in this world - you.

>>> I'm crazy

[bitesize]

It's 3.30am, I've had half a bottle of wine and 3 hours sleep since Friday, and I've obviously been of slightly sounder mind and body, but I had to say this.

I miss you. I miss you so much it consumes me. I just came home from the party and looked in my wardrobe for your hoodie which I haven't quite given back yet, accidentally-on-purpose. I've had it just over a year but I can still pretend it smells like you.

I didn't want, particularly, to talk to anyone else there tonight. They could have faded away, melted into dust, and I would barely have noticed, because I wanted to spend my night talking to you. And I know you wanted to talk to me too. How we spent so long at the kitchen coutner and another hour on the couch talking so much that we were running out of things to say, 'I got this cut on my finger,' 'I listened to this song,' who CARES, I just wanted to keep you there beside me with your beautiful smile and your YOUness that I miss, God, miss so much. And I know you care about me still too, even if we know that breaking up last year was the right decision, and not being able to kiss you or touch you or tell you how wonderful you are is achingly sore.

I've almost forgotten what it feels like to be wrapped up in bed with you, even though it happened so many times over a span of four years. I've gone to sleep with fifteen people since you. Fifteen. But that doesn't matter, it doesn't matter that I had sex with someone else twenty four hours ago because I needed a ride, doesn't matter that a little part of my heart is sore for a boy in Chicago who never messaged me today. Other people don't matter. Other people aren't you. No one ever will be. No one will ever be you for me the way are, and Christ I miss you so much. It's not a sharp ache like the American ache, it's a dull, five-years-deep pain that's always there. I always miss you.

I can't believe a year ago today was possibly the nicest Day we've ever had, and we were so close and so happy, and we had no idea that ten days later we would be sitting beside each other crying our eyes out with love for each other and realising that it was time for our relationship to end.

I love you, I love you. I'll never not love you.

[Kate*]

-- Despite the fact that all the tests you gave me match the profile for the disorder, it's not my diagnosis. I want it changed please so that I can get appropriate accommodations instead of ones that won't work.

-- I don't know if you'd still say I could earn a PhD. if you knew, and I'm not supposed to disclose it to you. The problem is that with the wrong diagnosis, I can't get the accommodations that will help so I have to disclose it to get the help I need from you.

[Oneirophobia]

Despite how much of a royal bitch you are, I will not let you get to me.

[Ambedo.]

One day, we won't have to spend this Hallmark holiday apart. That day is coming sooner than you think.

[WashoutThePain]

dump her and date ME

[DYon]

You know very well why I hurt, yet you never talk to me about it. I wish you would realize what was going on. You only tell me you love me when I'm extremely upset and want kill myself (so far), yet when we are having a good time, you tell me we need to stop doing things so I would love you. You know I can't take my feelings away, love for you is never going to fade away. You can't tell me you love me and then the next day say you don't want me to love you without explaining. I tried asking you why but you kept dodging the question each time.

When everything goes to hell, all I can do to keep myself sane is think about you. But then I think about all of this...all of us...then things get even worse. I just want things to make sense. Please, make them make sense. I need them to.

If you really don't want me to love you, then I guess at some point I could finally realize that, I mean it's a sane possibility. And maybe I will move on...but when I move on, I hope you do realize I won't need to feel like I need your permission, or to even tell you I feel like, to hurt myself or end my life. I only feel like I need your permission because to me, my love is that strong that you would be the only one that could stop me.

Just murder me now? Really, here is a gun >.>

- It was weird for me to realize I still want you.

- It's odd. I miss your voice, but I don't know if I am ready to talk to you on the phone yet. Not after Saturday night. I still don't know what to make of that, and until I do I almost don't trust myself to talk to you. But I love you, and I miss you quite terribly. Only eighteen and a half days to go.

- To both of you:

I know it worries you when I don't tell you things. But I don't know how to tell you I think I'm losing my shit. To person number one: I want you to think I can handle myself when you're gone. To person number two: I just don't want you to see me like this. It's not your job to pick up the pieces.

[Darkened_Empress]

How could you not even say goodbye? I'm glad chasing tail was more important than me. You know I'm hurt, and yet you say nothing.. im sure you will come around, when it's convenient for you. How can I love someone like you?

[Forging Galaxies]

You better be safe, I love you...

[Le Papillon]

I will never stop loving you. I still hurt, and I will for quite some time. I don't truly know if I will ever heal to the whole I was when I was with you, but I do realize that the four wonderful years of my life with you have come to an end. And, I will let you go. I was never once intending to stop you. I simply wanted you to tell me the truth when you decided I was no longer what you wanted. I'm okay with not being the apple of your eye. I was never going to force you to stay. I simply thought I had enough worth to be informed on when you were to leave me. I guess not, and now I am questioning everything. If I am healing, it is slow. Mayhaps I'm healing despite all me feeling is this terrible wound within what remains of my soul. I do wish you nothing but happiness, and I shall never stand in your way. I was never going to stand in your way, unless you wanted me to. But all I have become, was for you, and now I am left wondering, where am I to begin?
Goodbye, my sweet. I will be here if you ever need me, for I will never cease in my care, but just know, I will never be as I once was, just two short, agonizingly long months ago.

[bitesize]

- Are you still into me or what's the craic?

- I don't know what to think about you any more. I miss you so much. I wish we were together, in the same country, in the same bed. But you haven't made any effort at all and I really should have given up on you a long time ago - my head knows that, but really, my head never really had a say in this whole thing from the beginning, back in hazy July..

[Most Likely]

I miss you.

- I wish I could get you out of my head. It makes things so much worse than they already are.

- Look, maybe you were just spouting out your ass because you were angry, but I meant the things I said. We aren't going to move forward past this until we have a real conversation.

- I know I'm driving you sick with worry, but I just can't talk about it.

- I'm not okay, but I'm trying really damn hard to be.

[bitesize]

'What are you giving up for Lent?' was the question of the day yesterday, because we are all children and religious (i.e. neither of those things.)

I think I'm giving up you. I'm tired of what the past few months have done to me. I never thought I'd be this person and it's annoying. So I'm not going to waste time wishing I was with you, not going to talk to you unless you're talking to me, not going to look at your profile page . It's not healthy and I can do without this shite in my life, I'm too old for this.
There you go.

- I am terrified she's going to tell you what I said and you'll take it out of context. If you come back and say you don't want to do this anymore I don't know what I'll do. I've come to a place where I feel like I need this in my life. More specifically, I need this with YOU. You offer structure that I can't seem to find with anyone else. I feel safe with you. And really, the whole cause of this problem is that I want you to think I'm responsible.

Right now my entire life is falling apart and you're not there to catch me. And that's what is hardest about this.

[Kate*]

The fact that I'm afraid to tell you I'm considering that tells me that I will run into the same problems there that I had with you and that's the last thing I want, but at the same time, the only option you gave me isn't very appealing. Not sure I want to jump into that just because I feel forced into it.

[CandleLights]

I wish you'd care about me but I don't think you'll ever will. I'm just going to ACCEPT that.

[Kate*]

I'm not expecting responses for those, but when I send them asking for recommendations at least tell me if you're not going to write me any. They told me you would be more than willing, I'm hoping they told me the truth.

[Le Papillon]

I hope you never felt unloved with me.. because I love you more than everything. I don't know what to do without you..... please, be happy.. That's all I want..

- What you two did last night for me was amazing. There are no real words to express my gratitude. It was exactly what I needed. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

- I wish you could have been there. You would have been proud of me. Hell, I wish you could be here, period. I could really use your strength right about now.

- I actually told someone I wasn't over you. It felt good to say it to someone.

- I know I told her last night that I would talk to you, but now that I'm sober I'm scared to again. I don't know what to do.

[Le Papillon]

Why did you take my best friend? Why.. why couldn't you leave me him? I'd be okay if I had my best friend.. But you took him when you left, when you lied. And I don't know what to do anymore.. How am I supposed to keep going when you were the reason I lived?

[Most Likely]

- if that's your gifting, take all that cash and shove it up your ass. I'm not going to act like an obedient puppet.


- I still care. Still think of you. A lot.

[Kate*]

-- Part of me is wondering if you say that to every student this happens to, but it was so sincere and sweet, I doubt it. Of course I would think of your son, just because everything happened doesn't mean I suddenly stopped caring, especially about you and him.

[bitesize]

Full of words tonight, it seems.


- I shouldn't have used you, the night before last. I was feeling Too Single for the first time, almost ever, and I just wanted to be spooned, and I knew you'd be up for it. I feel bad that drove in to collect me and you drove me back the next day, you didn't have to do that, and it makes me feel like a worse person. I'm sorry that I basically booty called you and then didn't even have sex with you, because I didn't want to, even though we had nice sex before. I'm sorry that you seem to want more from me than I'll ever give you.

- I'm going to miss you so much for the next four months.

- And what's the craic with YOU? Bah. G'ways.

- The single sentence you wrote is something that any creative writer, which you are, and which I am too, could write blindfolded, in two seconds. I want REAL. I want news, I want stories, I want anything that makes me feel like it's YOU talking to ME from across the world and not anyone, talking to anyone, from anywhere. Get a fucking life, is what my head wants to say to you, but my heart won't let it.

- There's endlessness to say to you, but I've already cried my way through a blog entry and will probably cry some more when I wrap myself up in your hoodie to sleep. I just hope... that you're thinking of me too, that you're not too sad, and that you know how much everything you've done has ever meant to me.

- I love you. I don't care what you do, music or lit or whatthefuckever, just let it make you happy.

[Le Papillon]

What's the point anymore? You're the only reason I lived. Why should I try now that you're gone? I don't see why, or even how. I need you, but you don't need me. Please, set me free..

I love you, and I am still committed to you, but right now I really don't like you.

[Avox.]

- I don't want to move away from them,
- Yes I know I'm an idiot, you don't have to keep repeating yourselves
- I'm lonely, it sucks in this hospital
- I'm not keen for the next few months to honest
- I wish you guys were still here to back me up, cheer me on, give me support. I never should have left you or send you both away on the holiday trip

[bitesize]

- So I've been making a decent effort, the last week, not to think about you... not to go on your page or waste time wishing you were here or waiting to hear from you....and it's surprisingly effective. Surprisingly easy not to think about you. See, if we'd only done this the first time round like I wanted, life would have been a lot easier (though a lot less exciting...)

- I thought about you a lot today.

- Will you fuck off? He's twenty years old. And yes, he's not the most responsible or independent 20 year old ever but he can go to bed whenever the fuck he wants. Stop treating him like a fucking child. So irritating.

- Don't feel down. You're one of the sweetest most admirable and sensible people I've ever met and you only deserve good things.

[fallingstargirl]

I'm seriously never late, ever. I'm always home by 5:30. you don't need to freak out because I'm half an hour later than usual! You did not have to come to the school and talk to the security guards and whatever. That's why I have a cell phone. Try texting me next time and if I don't answer THEN you can maybe freak out.

[Most Likely]

I wonder if you think about me.
I Still love you.

[bitesize]

I'm annoyed that I had to turn that down, but seriously there's no way you can text me at half twelve when you've barely spoken to me all week and try to persuade me to come over. Where were you on Friday? Saturday? Last night? Three hours ago? Bad timing, boy. Makes me wonder if I was a second choice tonight (still can't quite put my finger on whether you're a big shluh or not, although I don't usually bother my head with it..) I've been horny all week but I still have standards. As FBs go you're not the most convenient..

For the love of God and everything good in this world, please don't leave me.

[Le Papillon]

Do I ever even cross your mind? Or is it just me who can't get you off mine? You killed me this time, you know. You made a million promises, and you broke every one.

[bitesize]

It's all very well not letting myself miss you, but I can't help dreaming about you... I dreamt last night that I was in your country, in your workplace, and you were worried about your aunt and there was stuff going on, but you still didn't even say hello to me. Barely even looked at me. And it still hurts even now, even though I know it was just a dream formed from my own thoughts.