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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Unhappy Can long-distance relationships work? - December 14th 2011, 07:18 PM

:Can they work? I'm very worried that the relationship will break down
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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 14th 2011, 07:29 PM

I think they can work if both people are determined enough and can trust their partner. Why are you worried your relationship will end?
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Question Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 14th 2011, 07:35 PM

He's in england and I'm in canada, i just doubt that we will ever see eachother but i really care about him.. things are up and down tho
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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 14th 2011, 07:40 PM

Have you ever seen each other?
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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 14th 2011, 07:51 PM

Yes they can. I began a long distance relationship in August, mine is a bit different than yours considering that we just move to different places, but it is very far, and we're doing alright. It's rough sometimes, but you can do it. There are many people on this site that have long distance relationships, and they do have their special share of problems. Having different countries are especially hard, it's very hard to be able to see each other or even call because of how different the phone systems are. Here are my tips:

1. Try to talk every day. Skype, email, anything you can do. Even if it's a small message like "Hey, I just had cheerios this morning and I know how much you like Cheerios. I miss you." It sounds stupid, but you know what? The stupid things are always the best. I love hearing about what my love is eating.

2. Send each other something to remember you by. Maybe some promise rings or something. My boyfriend gave me his sweater and his water bottle, and every day when I use these things, I feel like we're together again. <3 Something like that really helps. He keeps a Sobé cap that we got the first few months we were together after a very chaotic day and we were on a bus together laughing and we open a Sobe and it said "Love Bus for Life". We kept it, and he takes it with him everywhere.

3. AVOID JEALOUSY. This is one of the biggest issue with long distance relationships. Just because he's not online at the same time he usually is doesn't mean he's cheating. You have to have trust, you chose to have a relationship, trust your judgment, and trust him. Really, in the end, being jealous all the time only hurts you and your relationship. If he cheats, being jealous never helped anything.

4. Enjoy the perks of a long distance relationship. No obnoxious fights all of the time, you get more time to develop your own person, and every time you see each other is like falling in love again, every visit counts, everything you do together is that much more special.

If you need any more advice, let me know! Here's another fabulous article if you need any more advice!


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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 15th 2011, 01:24 AM

The average long distance relationship last to about 6 months, up to a year. Thats not to say that a long distance relationship wont work!

If you really like him, and he really likes you and you guys are willing to love, care, trust, and be patent than I think it will work out.

I think there are 2 main factors to a long distance relationship (from past experience):

Trust - If you don't trust him, and he doesn't trust you (no matter how big or how small), then you might as well say goodbye to the long distance relationship. If you do trust him, you need to trust that he wont cheat, and that he wont do anything he told you he wouldn't do (remember, you aren't able to tell if he is or not - you wont be with him much).

Effort / attraction - This is hard to keep due to you not being able to see him much. Attraction will be hard to keep up on both sides since you guys aren't able to be with each other often, cuddle alot, kiss, share other physical actions. In a LDR it is sometimes easy to loose attraction. You both need to put in effort - otherwise it wont work. If you find yourself putting in alot more effort than him (Texting him first all the time, him giving 1 word answers, etc) then the relationship probably wont last. The effort needs to be equal and alot of it needs to be involved in a LDR.

Best wishes,
Chris


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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 15th 2011, 05:09 AM

They work, but it is very hard, you need to work for it, this will cause a lot of stress between the two of you, so be prepared for it.


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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 16th 2011, 02:27 AM

They can definitely work; my ex and I was in a LDR for three years, my current girlfriend and I have been 7 and a half months strong.

It can definitely be done.

Traci gave a lot of good advice, I'd like to add from my own experiences.

Webcam and a Microphone- To make the distance easier, most of the time you do things to bring the distance closer, or the illusion that its closer- the most important thing is to be able to see and hear your parter, while you can't touch them, being able to see and hear your partner, instead of being some dis-embodied text helps you feel and maintain that connection.

Trust is good, but I feel the focus on it in LDR is incorrect; just like in any relationship, when they aren't there, you won't know what they are doing. The only difference in local relationships (I use local rather than the common term, "In real life" as distance doesn't make the feelings or the relationship any less real :P ) you possibly have the option of investigating yourself; and in such a case there would be no trust, and quite creepy/stalkerish. If you maintain contact sufficiently, its usually just as clear if something is up online, than if it is in person.

You do have to make more sacrifices than in a regular relationship, time-wise especially. Because you can't bring your partner along to social arrangements, you have to put time aside for them more often; communication frequency is also more important. Whilst not talking to your girlfriend for a few days is okay when its local because you are going to spend the entire weekend with them, in a LDR this can be galling.

Also there are activities you can do with one another, thanks to the glorious internet, which also closes the distance. Watching films together is really good, just find a film and watch it at the same time, being able to share in reactions to the film makes you feel close. Playing an on-line game together in some shape or form helps too, as it is a shared activity which you both take part in, and finally joining some sort of online community (like here ) also helps, or joining in group calls with mutual friends- again, these things help you feel like you share aspects of your lives, like you do in a local relationship, instead of it being this isolated phenomenon which is in no way joined with anything else in your life.

Also, if you want any more information or resources this site, has been of particular help to me http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/

Long distance can definitely work; especially in this day and age with the advances of technology; and its becoming increasingly more common.

If you truly work at it, and you put the effort love and commitment it can be as rewarding as any relationship.


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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 16th 2011, 03:17 AM

Yes, IV currently been in one for a little over two months and going very strong, I mean yes it's super hard at times but it can work and is worth it if you love them.,



<3 ‎"I'll never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever. i'll be there through it all" <3
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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 16th 2011, 03:22 AM

It depends on the person I guess. For some people it works and for others it doesn't. It is very hard to make it work and it often doesn't last. There are some people though that last their whole lives together and started out that way you just have to really work at it.


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Re: Can long-distance relationships work? - December 19th 2011, 03:39 AM

I hate to be a downer, but I honestly dont think they can in most cases it comes from a personal experience- but it was a pretty messed up situation, so probably not the best example.

I think it can work though if you BOTH want it enough. If you try hard to make it work, and if he tries hard too, I honestly don't see why it can't work out right?

Stay dedicated, and make sure he is as well- You can do anything if you are passionate about it

Good luck, and stay positive!
~Nessa
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