When the thoughts come back, I get depressed, when I'm depressed, I get suicidal. Theres no way of winning. I really wanna die, but my dad just denied residential for me because of the abuse stories we were told by someone who's child went to a program like the one I was gonna go to. but I'm not going. I was literally crying yesterday in front of my teacher because I just didn't want to go. She kept asking if I needed the guidance counselor, which she already knew the situation, so I kept saying no. I didn't even ask before I told her what was going on. I was like "My med provider and her manager are trying to push me into residential and I don't want to go..." And I started crying.

Hello Ashton,

I am sorry about what you are going through and I hope that you will be okay soon. Try finding someone to talk to about what you are going through. Ask one of your teachers at school or the school counselor and let them know about all of this so that they can help you to feel better. If you cannot say it out loud to them, then write them a letter and give them that. I hope you will be okay soon.

tysm for the advice! I'll try to write them a letter!

Hello Rae,

I'm sorry to hear that your old thoughts are returning.

I also suggest talking to someone about how you are feeling, such as a trusted adult. They might be able to help you overcome these thoughts and it can help to get them off your chest. I usually keep my negative thoughts, but I do feel a lot better when I speak to someone about it.

If you ever need anything, feel free to message me. You're not alone.

tysm. I'll try talking to my safety teacher.