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Face Up. Offline

Gotta keep your face up.

Visitor Messages

Showing Visitor Messages 3971 to 3980 of 9615
  1. Catharsis.
    May 8th 2014 10:16 PM - permalink
    Catharsis.
    I'm sorry. How was today?
  2. Philomath
    May 8th 2014 04:18 PM - permalink
    Philomath
    Yes, I can remind you later.
    I hope it goes well, I'm nervous about it but I know I need someone to listen to me. I like my counselor but since I wasn't so honest with her, I have to be honest with someone now.
    I hope your school has as much help available as mine does and that you are able to access those resources.
  3. Philomath
    May 8th 2014 01:09 PM - permalink
    Philomath
    Your issues could be related to school. I think mine partly are because I'm frustrated with the grades I get because I know I could do better I just try and I lose the energy to try and I almost fail because I just give up trying towards the end of the semester and my work is not what it could be. In the beginning I'm glad to be back at school but the challenge of academics just wears me out so fast because I get annoyed with myself so easily when I do not understand things and I am not the best at asking for help (though I'm slowly getting better at it). I just can't think of SH everyday and multiple times a day, that is not healthy and neither is how negative I am towards myself. I need to somehow accept my grades as they are and accept i'm trying my best but I feel like I need something to help me focus and to give me energy because I'm so exhausted I fall asleep while doing my homework and those times add up and then i'm rushed and when I'm rushed I get mad at myself and well it just spirals out of control I guess. In the summer my problem is I get really bored and depressed because I do not really have anything to do around here. One of my cousins suggested I help out with the Stop Domestic Violence hotline but I cannot do that because there is a twelve hour training course but the problem is each volunteer has to agree to six months of helping the hotline and i'm only home a few days under four months so that won't work. I think a lot of it too for me is that i really hate myself, it might surprise people to find that out but i hate myself and love others a lot more. It sounds weird but I would rather help others and risk my own well-being for them to be better off. But I'm to a point now where I know I need some help. I just do not know a counseling place that would take me only during part of the summer or just during summers. Plus it would be hard because how do I build a relationship with a counselor when I'm only here for two of the four breaks in the semester usually? i'm not sure. I'll talk to my doctor in a couple of weeks.
    I hope you get the help you need in college. My college offers free counseling and they have a psychiatric nurse practitioner that visits once a month and the health center doctor can give out prescriptions if need be in low dosages until people can see the psychiatric nurse. I know this because I have a couple of friends that are on medication for different things. Obviously seeing the psychiatric nurse might cost money and getting the medicine might depending on your insurance but the counseling is free and that can help a lot on its own (or at least it helps me when I'm honest about things but I'm not always as honest as I should be but I've realized I can be).
  4. Philomath
    May 8th 2014 12:54 PM - permalink
    Philomath
    Suvi let me know. I posted the link wrong lol I put it in the comments just now and it is the right one
  5. Pirouette
    May 8th 2014 04:31 AM - permalink
    Pirouette
    Oh wow, what kind of test is that going to be?
  6. Philomath
    May 8th 2014 04:24 AM - permalink
    Philomath
    Same. I've been so triggered lately....school is over now though so I hope that goes away but I'm letting my doctor know about it at my annual appointment just so he is aware of things and because I seriously think I need more help than what I'm getting. I've been going through this for way to long. I do not really want medications but if they could help me, I guess i would try them. I'm just worried about side effects
  7. Pirouette
    May 8th 2014 03:08 AM - permalink
    Pirouette
    So are mine, but I'm taking two AP's that day.
  8. Philomath
    May 8th 2014 02:20 AM - permalink
    Philomath
    OH, yes! That color! lol I think it is wonderful! Oh, if you are on FaceBook by any chance, please read the article I just shared and share it with people, kind of something to think about for sighted people. Not in a mean way but an honest chat should be started, you know? (well, you will if you read it). How have you been?
  9. coolkid98
    May 7th 2014 04:52 PM - permalink
    coolkid98
    Sorry to hear that I'm here if you want to talk. I'm good thanks How was your day?
  10. Pirouette
    May 7th 2014 02:09 PM - permalink
    Pirouette
    Hahaha that's good. Ahhh AP exams going on at school.

About Me

  • Basics
    Name
    Dez
    Gender
    Agender
    Pronouns
    They/Them
    Location
    Connecticut, USA
    Country
    United States
  • About
    About me
    Hey all! My name is Dez, and I am a 28 year old who just graduated with my Masters in Public Health. So I basically just entered the "real world" and have to be an "adult." Ew.

    On any given day if I'm not here you'll find me napping, sitting in therapy, or watching something on Netflix. I'm trying to do this thing called "finding a hobby," so feel free to pass along your favorite books and TV shows.

    I have an interest in sexual health, especially contraceptives, the prevention of sexually transmitted infections as well as HPV and the vaccine in particular. I stand with Planned Parenthood and similar reproductive health organizations. I also have an interest in vaccines.

    I'm still basically trying to figure everything out myself, but feel free to say hello. If I don't answer right away, rest assured that I will when I get a chance! :D

    ----

    I became a LiveHelp Operator on December 1, 2011. On January 29, 2012 I changed primaries to HelpLINK Mentor. On April 23, 2012 I became a Self Expression Forum Mod. On October 8, 2012 I became an LGBT+ Forum Mod. On December 1, 2012 I became a Chat Moderator. On February 9, 2013 I became a HelpLINK Moderator. On July 13, 2013 I became a member of the Performance Committee. On August 17 2013, I became an Albums Moderator as well as a member of the Articles Team. On October 13, 2013, I became a Self Harm Forum Mod. On November 16, 2013, I became a member of the Social Networking Team. On December 23, 2013, I became a Social Groups Moderator. On December 23, 2013, I also became a member of the Videos Team. On January 25, 2014, I became a Blogs Moderator. On April 12th, 2014, I became a Project Advisor. On August 31, 2014 I became a member of the newly formed Volunteering Committee. On March 27, 2015 I became a Newsletter Editor. On August 1, 2015 I became part of the Disputes Committee. On August 17, 2015 I became a Forums and Community Officer. On April 30, 2022 I became a Community Team Leader.
    --

    Last updated 11/19/23
  • Details
    Here for
    Like to help and be helped
    Relationship status
    What's that?
    Sexuality
    I'm here, I'm Queer
    Ethnicity
    Caucasian/White
    Education
    Master’s in Public Health
    Occupation
    Unemployed
    Politics
    Democrat.
    Religion
    Exploring Unitarian Universalism
    Zodiac sign
    Gemini
  • Interests
    Hobbies
    I don't know anymore.
    Music
    Lights <3
    Movies
    The Day After Tomorrow, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Horton Hears a Who, Repo! The Genetic Opera, The Little Mermaid, Finding Nemo, Finding Dory... I don't watch many movies.
    Television
    House M.D., In Plain Sight, Nurse Jackie, Rizzoli & Isles, Hell's Kitchen, Once Upon A Time, Necessary Roughness, Chicago Fire, Justice League, Scrubs, Rick and Morty, Bojack Horseman, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Good Doctor, The Good Place, The Resident, 9-1-1
    Games
    Portal, Portal 2, The Sims 3 and 4, Plague, Rocket League, Golf With Your Friends, Magicka, then your classic board games.
    Books
    TJ Klune books
    Sports
    I don't like sports.
    Heroes
    The therapists that deal with my nonsense lol
    Favorite quotes
    The world is round, so the place that may seem like the end, may also be only the beginning.
    Other interests
    Being a mermaid.
    Sleeping.
    Eating my sister's food.
    Zumba.
    Sloths.
    Guinea pigs.
    Sexual health and reproductive rights
    Vaccines
  • Signature
    The sun is always gonna rise up
    You need to get up, gotta keep your head up
    Look at the people all around you
    The way you feel is something everybody goes through

Statistics

Total Posts
Visitor Messages
Blog - Rantings of a Mermaid Princess
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Helpful Postings
  • Face Up.'s posts have been liked or marked as helpful 3986 times.
General Information
  • Join Date: November 16th 2010
  • Referrals: 8

Friends

Showing Friends 1 to 10 of 119

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Experience
  • Points: 190,598
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  • Points: 190,598, Level: 62 Points: 190,598, Level: 62 Points: 190,598, Level: 62
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  • Level up: 25% - 4,652 Points needed Level up: 25% Level up: 25% - 4,652 Points needed
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  • Points for User: 29,429
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  • Friends: 357
  • Visitormessages: 15,627
  • Albumpictures: 465
  • Referrals: 800
  • Filled profile: 290
Points for threads
  • Points for threads: 41,237
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  • Social Group Discussions: 310
  • Tags: 2,876
  • Votes: 40
  • Replies: 1,542
  • Views: 21,699
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  • Points for Posts: 89,891
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Blog

View Face Up.'s BlogRecent Entries
Latest Blog Entry

Posted July 14th 2025 at 12:13 AM by Face Up. Comments 2
Posted in Uncategorized
This is a letter to my guinea pig, Pancake, who passed away 7/1/25.

Dear Pancake,

You left this world on July 1, 2025 after a brief illness and were cremated on July 3, 2025. I am sorry that I didn’t notice that you were sick sooner, such as when you stopped wheeking for food when I passed your room around dinnertime. The room was quiet whenever I walked by for a few days, and I thought it was because you were getting tired of my dinner selections. Maybe if I saw that...

Posted January 20th 2025 at 02:05 AM by Face Up. Comments 2
Posted in Uncategorized
My dad searched my room before I got out of the hospital and took my good self harm and suicide methods. I'm trying to wait for the right time to get them back and it's so hard. What he didn't find to self harm isn't as satisfying so it's not giving me that same sense of relief. I was self harming a little more severely before he took away all my stuff and now I can't get back to that same level. And I had a plan for those suicide methods.

I also gave up what he didn't find of my...

Posted January 14th 2025 at 10:50 PM by Face Up. Comments 2
Posted in Uncategorized
12/26/2024
Well, I got a little too silly. Here's to hospitalization number 6.
Where I go to group made me go to the ER because of an increase in suicidal ideation, self harming almost daily, and nonstop anxiety.
The ER itself wasn't bad. My patient sitter was so nice and we had a lot of great conversations I haven't had with previous sitters. Then I transferred to the ABU part of the ER where I had my own room with a TV and watched a SpongeBob marathon.
I got to the...

Posted December 9th 2024 at 11:03 PM by Face Up. Comments 2
Posted in Uncategorized
It’s been a while since I have blogged and a lot has happened but honestly I can’t think of most of it at this point so I’m just going to go with the main points.

I am very much not okay. I almost ended up in the hospital because I was incredibly suicidal but I decided to do a partial hospitalization program instead. I had to stop seeing my individual therapist because the insurance won’t cover both at once so I’m hoping she is willing to take me back after I am done or I will be...

Posted August 8th 2024 at 10:24 PM by Face Up. Comments 1
Posted in Uncategorized
I did a risk assessment with one of my group therapy clinicians the other day and it told us that I was high risk for suicide. I already knew that was going to be a thing. My mental health has been bad lately. The clinician let the crisis team know and they called me, but I was able to convince them I was fine.

I was supposed to go for a medical test on the sixth. They had me go off of my reflux medication to do it, and then the day before the test they called and said they made a...
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