Oh well.

I'm still very depressed.
Do you know how I managed to eat, shower, and brush my teeth last night?

I got stoned.
Do you know how I layed in bed for a couple of hours listening to music calmly and then eventually slept?
I got stoned with synthetic (legal) weed.

Do you know how I managed to not cut last night?
Yeah, I was off my face.

So I didn't take the quetiapine for one night. Only me and the internet...

I have this aching emptiness.

Like rain that just won’t go away.

My emotions are turned off.

The way I used to feel about things is nothing like the way it was before.

Now, I just.. don’t care.

About anything.

I almost have to fake my love for those whom love me.

Because I can’t feel.

I can’t let myself feel anything because if I do, ‘it’ makes it real.

And then...

I find it funny and interesting that even though i share my laptop with my mom and sometimes my sister, they never notice the sites i've been on. Like ones like this one and others for depression and movie site where i watch movies like Suicide Room. Haha. Guess i'm the invisible women. Lovely. *vanishes* With this ability, i shall destroy my enemies! Mwhahahahaha! >

I find it interesting that people say i look beautiful and skinny, yet they still call me fat or tell me how something is unhealthy for me. There's only 1 person in this world that doesn't give a fuck about how i look...or atleast i think he does. It's hard to tell sometimes...why do people like to play games? Is that all i am to them? A toy? And i mean that in almost every way possible. But i've decided to stop hurting myself. Because afterwards i just feel worse. I wonder if insulting myself in...