So yesterday I spent the day with my mom. I was really nervous for it, I was worried about what she wanted to tell me.

It all started out well. We talked about a lot of stuff and we went shopping for books, which was odd because my mom doesn't like to read, but she knows I do.

It wasn't until we went out to eat that she told me what she wanted. Just blatantly came out with it and said, "I wished your brother had lived instead of you, maybe then my life would be better."...

I know this is really, really old news, but I just heard about this today (Shows how much I keep up with celebrity news).

If you're a fan of Kim Kardashian, you might want to stop now. It gets bad
(Forgive my language, I just need to vent)

http://icydk.com/2011/07/21/breaking...has-psoriasis/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...diagnoses.html

So Kim Kardashian...

Dylan Matthew,

Even though I never had a chance to meet you, I still love you. You will always be a part of me and I hope you are looking out for me. I hope you are proud of the life I'm living, I'm trying to make the best of everyday just for you.

Lately I have been wondering, who you would have been today? Today more than ever. I wonder if you would have been the protective brother or would you have just ignored me. I would hope it would've been the former, because...

Soo, if you read my last couple of posts, me an my mom do not get along at all.

But my mom came up to me yesterday when I was making supper and told me she is taking me shopping in Saint Cloud on Saturday, because she needs to talk to me.

So it's going to be me and my mom.......no one else..........all day........here's to hoping this goes well. Wish me luck.

Everyday she knocks me down and because of her I'm slowly losing my mind, I just know it. I'm going crazy and I just know one day I'm going to snap

How many times can I break til I shatter? Let's find out shall we?

Dear Daddy,

I haven't called you that in awhile, but I know you love it when I do. I wanted you to know that I'll always be your little girl. The girl you never understood, but always stayed up late talking to, because you missed me and you knew I missed you. I loved our movie nights when we went to every Harry Potter movie and I took you to Breaking Dawn with me, because you wanted to see werewolves. I love it when you let me listen to my music as loud as I want in the house....

Dear Mommy,

I wish I could call you that again, but I just don't feel like I could. We aren't close like we used to be. I don't feel like I can tell you anything, without you giving me that "Oh God, you're hopeless aren't you" look. I want you to tell me you're proud of me, you never have and I feel like you never will. I want you to say "You'll do great in college," not "What are you going to do, when you drop out?" Please, Mom at least act like you...

So recently I have been having a lot of nightmares. Not just any kind of nightmares, the kind where I wake up drenched in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, and trying to scream but I can't. But the subject of my nightmares is what is bugging me, they have been about my ex-boyfriend, Micheal. Now some of you may now that he was a stalker and later became abusive to me. The odd thing is, is that these nightmares started happening, around the time he left for college.

(Trig. I think) ...