Why can't people be happy with what they have? Like a guy looking at another girl when he has a girl. Or a girl looking at another guy when she has a guy. It makes no sense. If your not happy with them, move the fuck on instead of being a total dipshit. Men just can't be happy with 1 girl. They gotta have a bunch. Freaking mother nature, thinking you're all that. Mother nature is a bitch.

Have you ever not been sure if you were suppose to be happy or sad or stressed? Because recently, i've felt that way. I have almost every reason to be happy but, my family just...drags me back down. I love them yet i constantly feel they don't love me as much. What kind of a family calls their daughter or sister fat? I don't mean to complain. It helps typing my thoughts out sometimes...maybe, i am a little fat...i don't know...all i see when i look in the mirror is the flaws. Why can't i ever be...

I had a better day today. Dyed my sisters hair, watched some Disney movies, made beaded necklaces. It was like i was a kid again. How i miss the innocence.

I hate this room. 4 walls painted red and only one widow. It's too small. Perhaps it's because i'm always in here but, i just want to scream. I can escape but where too? A house that is even more of a prison? The only time it feels like i can escape it when it's warm and rainy or when i hurt myself. Even then it doesn't last long. I know the solution to the problem. It's a work in progress to fix it like most things. Is that an excuse? I don't know. I look forward to Monday though. I hope it goes...

I'm at the point where silence is loud. And so is darkness. But sometimes, even when i'm listening to music or watching a video, it's too quiet. If that makes sense. Maybe, i've just been in this room too long. And right now, i'm exhausted and want to go to sleep but i don't want to go to bed because i don't want to wake up. And that scares me. But it also sounds nice...To sleep forever. But then, i'd miss out on living. I don't want to die. I just want to sleep till this time of my life is over....

So, random thoughts......I wonder why i'm always so freaking tired even though i sleep plenty. And why i always have headaches. Probably from stress. Food helps though. *noms on pizza* I forgot to tip the delivery guy. Damn. Oooooooh, a kitty! Abby, come here kitty. Nope. >.> Maybe, i'm crazy or something. That'd be nice. Because then i'd be unpredictable. Ok, gonna go watch Resident Evil 4 now and paint my nails. Bye. :-P

I wonder if in another life i was some kind of evil queen or elf or something. Because i often find myself thinking of destroying the world and i love heights and climbing trees. The heights and climbing trees thing is suppose to be the evil elf thing. It would be pretty damn cool to have some kind of super strength or power that i haven't discovered yet. Hehe. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way or thinks the same thing. Maybe, we're all just living out another persons life and it's a cycle....

I find it funny and interesting that even though i share my laptop with my mom and sometimes my sister, they never notice the sites i've been on. Like ones like this one and others for depression and movie site where i watch movies like Suicide Room. Haha. Guess i'm the invisible women. Lovely. *vanishes* With this ability, i shall destroy my enemies! Mwhahahahaha! >

I find it interesting that people say i look beautiful and skinny, yet they still call me fat or tell me how something is unhealthy for me. There's only 1 person in this world that doesn't give a fuck about how i look...or atleast i think he does. It's hard to tell sometimes...why do people like to play games? Is that all i am to them? A toy? And i mean that in almost every way possible. But i've decided to stop hurting myself. Because afterwards i just feel worse. I wonder if insulting myself in...