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A tv, caffiene and pure loneliness...
Posted January 1st 2010 at 02:07 AM by Kira
I'm sick of being alone. My mum is constantly going to her boyfriends house leaving me here all by myself and my sister goes to her friend's house. The day before yesterday i had to sleep on a carpetless floor and had to improvise use my woolie jumnper and long skirt and a bottom sheet and my petticoat as a pillow and my dressing gown as a blanket while in the other room my sister had a mattress, 2 pillows and a large blanket. Mum didnt even bother to see if i was ok, all she cares about is her boyfriend and my sister! I'm so alone and just feel like nobody. My home feels like a prison to me, filled with hate and broken memories. Sometimes i wish i was 6 feet under...
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I'm sorry you're feeling so down in the dumps right now.
I just wanted to encourage you to reach out for help to people in your life if you feel you might act on your suicidal urges- mentors, doctors, teachers, etc. Many Mental illnesses like depression are treatable with medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes such as eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better
i've been suicidal a number of times in my life, but the past two months have been especially painful and the desire for the pain to end has often been strong. The past few days things have been pretty steadily awful.
I was just looking back at a thread i started about feeling suicidal on another webforum, and seeing how much pain i was in, and realized that if i got through it once i can do it again.
So, here are a few things that kept me alive:
1 ) sometimes when i feel like people would be better off without me i watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv2DyzhxpA0 its a music video that is about suicide, and has real parents whose kids killed themselves talking about how hard hard losing their children. the video is only a few minutes long and may make you rethink if you believe that your family would quickly move on.
2) if you are at home and are having really strong urges/racing thoughts try filling up a large bucket or bowl with ice water, elet it get really cold for a few minutes, and then stick your face in it as long as you can a few times. it's incredibly hard to think about how much life sucks when your face is in ice water. taking a 3-5 minute cold shower can also have this effect.
3) We all need somebody to lean on. Reach out for help and support from people online, at a hotline, or who you know and trust. If you think it would be a burden, imagine that you had a friend who killed themselves and in the note said they didn't reach out for help to you because they didn't want to "bother" you. asking for help now will be a lot less painful/burdensome on another person than killing yourself would be. if words aren't doing you justice, try art!
4) distrac(hey look a butterfly!)tions. coloring in coloring books. getting out of the house and reading in a coffee shop. playing solitare. masturbating. get creative!
5)sleeping. a lot.Posted January 1st 2010 at 04:02 AM by Crescendo
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6) relaxing. taking a hot bath. curling up under a blanket. drinking tea. tightening all my muscles and then one by one letting them relax.
-square breathing
take very slow deep breaths. inhale for two counts, then exhale for two counts. as you count inhale one – two, exhale one two picture a side of a blue square forming (or any other calming color) for each count in your mind. so each inhale is two sides of a square, and each exhale istwo sides, creating a full square.
-Visualization.
In this technique, you form mental images to take a visual journey to a peaceful, calming place or situation. Try to use as many senses as you can, including smells, sights, sounds and textures. If you imagine relaxing at the ocean, for instance, think about the warmth of the sun, the sound of crashing waves, the feel of the grains of sand and the smell of salt water. You can also use visualization to imagine yourself doing well in an anxiety provoking situation- a sort of mental rehersal.
7) feeling like i have a purpose. weirdos do great things. most great artists and inventors had some major issues, but they are thought of as major contributors to our society. if you stick around, maybe you would help the world in some way, even if its just by being a kick ass mom, or mentoring a teen who has no one to look up to when you are older.
8) fear of afterlife. mean i think most people who consider suicide are crossing their fingers that your spirit doesn't live on after death.
but there are a lot of people and religions who don't believe that. in a lot of religions that believe in heaven and hell- like christianity- suicide is just as bad as murder and is a ticket to hell. i dont believe in hell, but a lot of people do, so its good to take it into consideration, just in case. people say hell may be a lot of different things- but none of them sound all that fun. and its an eternity of feeling like shit where you cant kill yourself.
some eastern religions believe in incarnation. but that seems risky too. i mean, what if you come back as a child sex slave or something? that would suck.
what i'm getting at here is:
LIFE CAN GET BETTER, BUT DEATH MAY LEAD TO AN ETERNITY OF SUFFERING YOU CANT KILL YOURSELF TO ESCAPE.
9) letting out my emotions. havinga good cry. buying a cheap plate at a thrift store, decorating it to representmy problems and SMASHING it. jumping on bubble wrap. screaming. doing art. writing.
10) picking the lesser of two evils. if it comes down to suicide or another harmful behavior, pick the other harmful behavior that will keep you alive (just dont be mean to anyone else!) cutting, smoking, drinking, starving yourself, sleeping around, maybe not the BEST coping skills. but if your desperate, and it will keep you alive, why not? check out the book "Hello, Cruel World: 101 alternatives to suicide for freaks, teens, and other outlaws" by kate bornstien. she has quite a few unconventional suggestions to staying alive.
So. I hope some of those things help. Remember, the only thing you can count on is change. This too shall pass. Things get better, things get worse, but it won't be this way for ever. Don't be afraid to ask for help. your life is valuable.
feel free to vm or pm me anytime.
You're NOT alone.
MeganPosted January 1st 2010 at 04:03 AM by Crescendo
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Hey Kira, it's horrible you have to go through that, sleeping on the floor and stuff, you don't deserve that.
Don't feel like you're worth nothing, hell, I just met you, and I already know you're an amazing person. It's them who can't see that...
You are NOT nobody, never say that, 'kay
Remember, I'm just a PM away.
Stay strong Kira-chan <33
Posted January 1st 2010 at 04:44 AM by Power Cosmic
