http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNOaV...eature=related


I cut again.

So Hailie's been really pissed off at me lately, The first time she spoken to me in 2 days was this morning to ask me if I could watch her baby sister Dani for an hour. Me trying to be a good friend said yes, Its now 12 hours later, She hasn't come back yet. I'm nervous to just put her to bed and leave her, cause I'm scared she roll of the bed or something. Dani has no bed, no carrying thing, nothing. Just some food and diapers. And the crying, She hasn't stopped in hours Me and Blake have to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrkgV5bl7kQ

I've been missing Jimmy a lot lately, especially since I decided on joining the reserves and such. Jimmy was killed on his 4th and final tour last year. He wasn't even supposed to be on the tour, He went in his friends place cause his friend had a baby on the way. He stepped on a IED.
I don't know, This song makes me sad and happy. If that makes sense. :\

I was talking to some of my friends and I realized something, If I keep doing what I'm doing now, I'm going nowhere in life. I've made a couple decisions. I'm not going to let my dad run my life, I'm not taking Leda back, and I'm going to try and quit smoking.
I was also thinking about my future, I decided when I turn 18 I want to join the army. My friends aren't too impressed, But honestly, I don't care anymore. I'm going to do what makes me happy. If that means joining the army, then...

I saw Leda today. She said she wants me back. I have no idea what to say, She put me through hell But I still love her. Brent told me I shouldn't go back with her.. I don't even know anymore...

My friend Chelsea came over today and she brought some vegan cake. I ate it and now I'm regretting it. (I have ednos and I purge a lot) But my ribs are shit so I can't purge and I can't smoke either because I can't go outside. I just feel totally fucking worthless. On top of that my friend Brent wants to go after some creep that beat me up. Its like, This is my problem and my buiness
I can't do it anymore. I don't want to....

My doctor finally called me back, So my ribs aren't broken. Just bruised. So I now have 3 bruised ribs, 1 busted lip, and 1 black eye. (Long story)

Fuck.

I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do or how to feel. I'm fucking done. I can't do it anymore.

My friends are all worried because I don't want to do anything. I don't know why, But lately I have been feeling like shit. Like I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. And I've been living on zoodles My friends don't think its "healthy". They try to get me to eat tofu and veggies but I don't even look at it.
And even better news, I have decided I will never have a "better half". I've gotten dumped because I'm "too nice". What? No, I won't stand...

My dad got out of prison yesterday. I'm worried that he'll actually fight for my custody like he said, But I'm trying to keep my mind off it...
There has been one thing bothering me lately. There is so much pressure in todays society to be perfect. Especially for girls. I have friends who are depressed because some asshole called them ugly. Some people think if your not a barbie doll your not beautiful. In my opinion if you call someone ugly due to size, disabilities, or whatever, Then your...