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Depression hurts. (triggering)
Posted August 11th 2015 at 10:02 PM by Ennui.
I feel like a worthless human being and a waste of space. I am fat and ugly. I keep saying I need to diet then stuff my face. I am useless. I don't know how to do anything on my own and I honestly probably wouldn't survive on my own. I can't cook for myself, clean for myself, do laundry, etc.
Everyone keeps telling me to get out more. Everyone. They keep saying how it's not good for me to not get out a lot and how I should be socializing and networking and making connections. And maybe they're right but too much of that burns me out. I already do clubs in school and volunteer but that's not enough. They're right, aren't they?
I'm a miserable human being. I'm not smart enough, or good enough, and I never will be. I don't know how to live my life. I don't know what my hobbies or interests are anymore. I'm so trained on school that this is all I can think of. I don't know who I am besides that.
I don't think I will ever succeed in life. No matter how well I think I do or what accomplishments I think I make, there is always someone else who does twenty times better and gets rewarded twenty times as much. I never get recognized. I kind of just exist. I have nothing to be proud of anyway, though. Others can balance it all, I can't even balance what I have without getting overwhelmed. What little accomplishments I do make are nothing.
I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing anymore, or why I continue to try when I just get knocked down in the end.
I'm worthless. I'm useless. I'm not needed. I'm just a waste of space and life and energy. I'm not worth anyone caring about me or loving me. I'm not worth existing. That being said, I'm not suicidal either.
I hate every piece of my body. I'm so ugly.
Sort of contributed to people including myself getting in trouble today, sort of didn't. They were in more trouble than me anyway, I was more of a warning. We kept taking too long breaks. Ten minutes turned into twenty or thirty. They got behind on their work. I wasn't behind, I'm actually ahead on my work. But obviously it doesn't look good to be sitting around. And that little comment was all it took for me to have to hold back tears. I cry so easily, I don't see how I'm ever going to be successful in the workplace.
Cut today. Not deep enough. Not enough blood. But now I'm kind of numb. But I know that as soon as tomorrow hits, the depression will be back.
It won't get better.
Everyone keeps telling me to get out more. Everyone. They keep saying how it's not good for me to not get out a lot and how I should be socializing and networking and making connections. And maybe they're right but too much of that burns me out. I already do clubs in school and volunteer but that's not enough. They're right, aren't they?
I'm a miserable human being. I'm not smart enough, or good enough, and I never will be. I don't know how to live my life. I don't know what my hobbies or interests are anymore. I'm so trained on school that this is all I can think of. I don't know who I am besides that.
I don't think I will ever succeed in life. No matter how well I think I do or what accomplishments I think I make, there is always someone else who does twenty times better and gets rewarded twenty times as much. I never get recognized. I kind of just exist. I have nothing to be proud of anyway, though. Others can balance it all, I can't even balance what I have without getting overwhelmed. What little accomplishments I do make are nothing.
I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing anymore, or why I continue to try when I just get knocked down in the end.
I'm worthless. I'm useless. I'm not needed. I'm just a waste of space and life and energy. I'm not worth anyone caring about me or loving me. I'm not worth existing. That being said, I'm not suicidal either.
I hate every piece of my body. I'm so ugly.
Sort of contributed to people including myself getting in trouble today, sort of didn't. They were in more trouble than me anyway, I was more of a warning. We kept taking too long breaks. Ten minutes turned into twenty or thirty. They got behind on their work. I wasn't behind, I'm actually ahead on my work. But obviously it doesn't look good to be sitting around. And that little comment was all it took for me to have to hold back tears. I cry so easily, I don't see how I'm ever going to be successful in the workplace.
Cut today. Not deep enough. Not enough blood. But now I'm kind of numb. But I know that as soon as tomorrow hits, the depression will be back.
It won't get better.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Dezi! I'm sorry you're feeling like this! I can definitely relate to how you feel thought. I can promise you though it can and will get better! The climb to get there may not be an easy 1 but in the end it is worth every step taken.
You're beautiful just the way you are. Trying to stay on the path of eating healthy and exercising regularly is hard (I can so relate to this XD ) but it's not impossible to get through. Something to consider is having a buddy go through this with you. They can help you with meal ideas that are healthy, and they can also do some exercise routines with you as well
I have to agree with them, being inside all the time isn't healthy. You should try to get out as often as you can. Maybe a couple times a week go out with some friends to a movie, park or something.
As far as trying to find what your hobbies and interests are, first thought is to try to get back into things you used to like to do. Don't give up on it though if at first nothing seems to catch your interest. Also try new things with friends, maybe you'll find something new that you really enjoy doing
To me you're a great friend and a great listener and you always give great advice. Which is definitely something to be proud of.
Getting knocked down sucks, but you have to just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue on forward. It is tough but the reward in the end is great!
You are not worthless or useless. You are needed and you most definitely are not a waste of space. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now and tell you in person all of this and more, but online will have to do! :hug: You can and will get through this and I will always be here to talk to anytime you need. :)
I'm sorry things were hard at work. Having a job is not always going to be easy, but you will learn how to handle things better. I know when I worked I had customers constantly upset with me, which often made me upset. I did learn to deal with it though and channel all of those emotions elsewhere and in a positive manor.
As I have said before, many times, things can and will get better! Just hang in there! As always you know where I am if you ever need to vent about anything! :) :hug:
(PS apparently I used to many emoticons in this and had to fix it o.o )Posted August 11th 2015 at 10:35 PM by Thereishope
