Progress report. (TW-Self harm)

I wonder what would have happened if I did go to the hospital the other day. I think I should have.

I wonder if I still should, although I'm doing better than I was. Like, what "qualifies" someone for the hospital? I'm not going to go, though.

I still have to take Ativan before work and get the urge to self harm. I'm still feeling impulsive and want to buy new tools. My friend changed my Amazon password for me so I can't go on it and buy tools.
The impulsiveness is also giving me the urge to spend a lot of money, which so far I've resisted.

I'm still really scared because I go driving next week and supposedly my test is next week unless we don't reschedule. I think I'm going to fail again and then I'll be pushed over the edge. Like I'm already unstable.

I The up in medication at least has it where I'm not sobbing my eyes out over every little thing, but I hate that the triggers and urges are still there.

Plus what if I get bad again? My friend said they would take care of my guinea pigs, so I'd just have to tell my parents and figure out if I'm eligible for family medical leave at work, but it all seems so complicated.

Fingers crossed, I guess?