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Tired of this. (Trig in spots)
Posted December 26th 2015 at 04:40 AM by Face Up.
I have felt so bad about myself lately. I have gained so much weight it is ridiculous. I am now definitely overweight and this just doesn't feel good or healthy for me but yet I eat anyway and don't exercise and don't do anything to stop it and then keep feeling bad about myself when I gain weight. I'm so fat and have so many stretchmarks it's so gross. I am so gross in general. My teeth are bad and I have acne and eczema and my hair is wild and never tame and I have no style. I am selfish and disappointed at the small things in life. I can't think of anything I like about my appearance except my eyes. I feel like I don't really have that great of a personality either. Ugh.
I want to get back to school and get through next semester but I'm scared. 19 credits and a job is going to be tough. I don't know how I'm going to get through it and I hope I don't have to drop any classes.
Winter session starts the 28th though. I'm taking two winter classes online. My friend is taking one of them that I'm taking so we can help each other out I'm sure. That won't be too bad. I don't know how the other will be.
My parents caught me today. They know I'm stretching my ears now. I'm up to a 2G now. My mom said if she thinks the piercing holes are getting any better she'll rip them out herself. She doesn't realize the extent of the damage that could do to my earlobe and says it would be my fault for doing dumb things.
I was sad all day today. Sad sad sad. It's Christmas, and I was sad. Opened gifts with my niece and it was nice seeing her open stuff, but as soon as it was over, I was like ...oh. Made muffins then got in bed for a few hours until it was time to make the cheesecake then alternated between the couch and my bed until dinner, then got in bed for a little bit before going to my aunt's house. Only stayed for maybe a half an hour and then got home and laid in bed again maybe an hour after that.
It's Christmas and I'm sad.
Thought about cutting today but decided against it mainly because it's Christmas and I didn't want to relapse on Christmas.
Starting to get bored. Thought I had a good plan in place for winter break to keep me sane but now I'm so restless and I think it's contributing to feeling depressed. Thought I had a good plan.
Bleh.
I want to get back to school and get through next semester but I'm scared. 19 credits and a job is going to be tough. I don't know how I'm going to get through it and I hope I don't have to drop any classes.
Winter session starts the 28th though. I'm taking two winter classes online. My friend is taking one of them that I'm taking so we can help each other out I'm sure. That won't be too bad. I don't know how the other will be.
My parents caught me today. They know I'm stretching my ears now. I'm up to a 2G now. My mom said if she thinks the piercing holes are getting any better she'll rip them out herself. She doesn't realize the extent of the damage that could do to my earlobe and says it would be my fault for doing dumb things.
I was sad all day today. Sad sad sad. It's Christmas, and I was sad. Opened gifts with my niece and it was nice seeing her open stuff, but as soon as it was over, I was like ...oh. Made muffins then got in bed for a few hours until it was time to make the cheesecake then alternated between the couch and my bed until dinner, then got in bed for a little bit before going to my aunt's house. Only stayed for maybe a half an hour and then got home and laid in bed again maybe an hour after that.
It's Christmas and I'm sad.Thought about cutting today but decided against it mainly because it's Christmas and I didn't want to relapse on Christmas.
Starting to get bored. Thought I had a good plan in place for winter break to keep me sane but now I'm so restless and I think it's contributing to feeling depressed. Thought I had a good plan.
Bleh.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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You are beautiful and I think you have an amazing personality.Posted December 26th 2015 at 07:07 AM by
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I love you and you're a beautiful and amazing person. Don't forget that okay? I'm always here if you want to talk.Posted December 26th 2015 at 04:16 PM by Chuuya 
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Not trying to get any song stuck in your head but, you are amazing just the way you are! :)
I'm sure you'll be able to get through this next semester. Just remember to pace yourself. Take periodic breaks of a few minutes to relax if need be or work through it and then give yourself some sort of treat after you're done. Whether it's going somewhere with a friend, watching a favorite movie or tv show, etc.
This time of year, especially holidays can be hard for many people for various reasons. So you're not alone in the way you're feeling during this time. I try to focus on the positive things in my life when that happens.
I'm proud of you for not giving in to the urge to cut. Keep it up!
Boredom stinks, hopefully you can find some new and fun activities to do so boredom is rare.
Hope things start looking up for you! Just remember to just keep swimming, swimming, swimming! You know where I am if you ever need to talk about anything! :) :hug:Posted December 26th 2015 at 06:05 PM by Thereishope
