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Invalidation. (Trig)
The Disability Resource Center said they couldn't help me. I guess I must be too functional for them. My GPA is too good. Suggested practicing talking to the professors more and not dropping classes so quickly. Said to continue talking to my therapist. Said I could bring the documentation to them if I want and they'll leave the folder open, but what'll that do for me? Nothing. So fuck that.
The only reason my GPA is so good is because I make myself feel like absolute shit all the time. Because if I failed I'd be fucking suicidal.
Thankfully I made it to a bathroom before I started crying. Facebook messaged my suitemate who knew the situation, and she happened to be in the student center with some other friends, so I calmed myself down and went there. It was her (P), then E, R, and later S at the table. P had asked me if I was okay and I was like yeah but then burst into tears. So that was fun, bursting into tears in the student center. Then my friends were concerned I would have a breakdown in class and encouraged me to skip to recover but I went to class anyway.
It's so lovely being invalidated.
And then like two days ago I burst into tears because of my online English class. P is also in that with me. The professor is rude as hell and makes me feel so stupid and incompetent, so I cried in front of her and S. Great.
Quiz in geology coming up. Gonna fail. No way I can memorize the material. Quiz in political science coming up. Maybe I'll get a C. Who knows.
But I'm too functional, right?
The only reason my GPA is so good is because I make myself feel like absolute shit all the time. Because if I failed I'd be fucking suicidal.
Thankfully I made it to a bathroom before I started crying. Facebook messaged my suitemate who knew the situation, and she happened to be in the student center with some other friends, so I calmed myself down and went there. It was her (P), then E, R, and later S at the table. P had asked me if I was okay and I was like yeah but then burst into tears. So that was fun, bursting into tears in the student center. Then my friends were concerned I would have a breakdown in class and encouraged me to skip to recover but I went to class anyway.
It's so lovely being invalidated.
And then like two days ago I burst into tears because of my online English class. P is also in that with me. The professor is rude as hell and makes me feel so stupid and incompetent, so I cried in front of her and S. Great.
Quiz in geology coming up. Gonna fail. No way I can memorize the material. Quiz in political science coming up. Maybe I'll get a C. Who knows.
But I'm too functional, right?
Total Comments 4
Comments
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Hang in there my love xPosted January 28th 2016 at 12:22 AM by Palmolive
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:hug: You'll get through this. :)Posted January 28th 2016 at 12:31 AM by Thereishope
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I'm so sorry Dez. I am apparently too functional too and my therapist sort of brushed it off when I mentioned it so I guess he wouldn't do documentation for me, but when I went to the disability center in my school after my hospitalization, the lady said this which i agree. She said, yeah maybe you're functional right now but there will be times that symptoms flare up and you'd need a safety net. Accomodations could be as simple as being allowed to leave class to calm down from an anxiety attack. It's not like said person would need it all the time but even more than that, it's not like these kind of resources "run out" or is "taken away" from a less functional person, so it sucks that they brushed you off like that for being supposedly "too functional". I just want to let you know though, that your struggle isn't invisible to everyone. I believe you and I'm sure your friends and others understand. I'm sorry you've been invalidated.Posted January 28th 2016 at 01:32 AM by Not_here
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I'm mad for you Dez, they should have helped you. Maybe you can talk to your counselor about this and see if she has any suggestions in regards to how you should proceed. You deserve this help. I believe you and I see how hard you try and I see your struggles. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me. They shouldn't be denying you services because of your GPA because as stated, you may be 'functional' now but you will have flare ups. They should help you before that happens. I'm sorry they won't.Posted January 28th 2016 at 02:51 AM by
