TeenHelp - Entries for July 2010

This is probably just gonna be me ranting for the end of time

I was scared all the time. My hands didn't shake but inside I was shaking. -James L. Farmer Jr.

Posted July 23rd 2010 at 09:27 AM by shaytaan

I HATE MY FATHER.

Is it bad that this is the first and only time I've uttered thosse words?

I never hated him.

Just feared him

"Respected" him.

I found out something today that is probably gonna mess me up inside...

Its sad...

Only recently, just very recently, have I stopped seeing her eyes...

Arianna has helped me so much...

Because of her I've gotten off cuting,...

shaytaan

(>^_^)>O <(^_^<)

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Scared... No, Terrified...

Posted July 21st 2010 at 08:10 AM by shaytaan

On Monday....

My dad has a "welcome back present"....

How much more can he destroy me?

How much more can he take everything away???

My life love happiness everything...

I can't go publically swimming cuz the bruises....

shaytaan

(>^_^)>O <(^_^<)

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Why??

Posted July 10th 2010 at 02:36 AM by shaytaan

Why are the flashbacks so vivid???
I'm safe (for a little bit)
No father no cousins
Out of place out of mind right???!?!?!?
Thats what Shelbz said but its not true!!
The flashbacks worsened!!
WHY?!

shaytaan

(>^_^)>O <(^_^<)

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I HAVE DECIDED!!!

Posted July 6th 2010 at 09:02 AM by shaytaan

I HATE CUTTING
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it

It makes me feel so sick and broken :"(

shaytaan

(>^_^)>O <(^_^<)

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This poem isn't mine but.... Here it is anyways

Posted July 5th 2010 at 07:22 PM by shaytaan

"I don't want to cry
anymore,
I don't want to feel like
lifes to seedie anymore,
I don't want to be told
lies anymore,
I don't want to see the skies in
gray anymore,
I don't want the pain to
be anymore
.
I want to be happy and
warm
but never so Cold,
I want to dance in the
rain,
not feel pain

I want to be held...
Not against my will...

I want to see happiness......

shaytaan

(>^_^)>O <(^_^<)

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Scared...

Posted July 5th 2010 at 06:32 PM by shaytaan
Updated July 5th 2010 at 07:03 PM by shaytaan

Scared.
So so scared.

She's scaring me...
She has so much going on in her life...
She's breaking down mentally and physically....
I just wish I could hold her til she feels safe again....
It's not my place to tell whats wrong but....
I just wish she wouldn't hurt anymore

That HE wouldn't hurt her anymore....

I love her soooo much....

But I wish she would get help...

She needs help

...

shaytaan

(>^_^)>O <(^_^<)

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I cut today...

Posted July 5th 2010 at 11:46 AM by shaytaan
Updated July 5th 2010 at 07:00 PM by shaytaan

Well.... First off HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

....
Yeah. I cut today.
I've been off it for two months.
But I cut today.

And it felt good.

No, it felt sick

So what if I was on the edge the whole day??

So what if my girlfriend said she didn't care at the moment to go ahead....

I should've been stronger.

I'm weak.

I gave in to something as stupid as harming myself...

I...

shaytaan

(>^_^)>O <(^_^<)

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