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idk wat to do
Posted October 21st 2009 at 09:32 PM by vee_vee
well idk how to explain it all since it's been happening for months now...
Lately i feel like i'm...disgusting...because i'm Bi. I grew up in church, nd i know God exists and i've experienced him, but i feel like i'm disgusting to him. i can't really help that i find sum girls attractive nd i know i have the capability to fall in love with them...(i'm not the kinda bi who just wants to hook up wit girls, or who wants attention)
Only a handful of my frends know, as in a small baby handful. nd 1 of them is still in denial, the other one is bi too, nd the other one is being switzerland nd doesn't know how to react so she acts like i never told her. My parents would kick me out if they found out, but i want to be able to find that person who will love me, whether it's a guy or a girl. but i hate sneaking around i would want to be open to everyone nd show them all how much i love them.
But ultimately it's hard to not feel disgusting cuz i go to a christian school, where they are constantly talking about how homosexuality is wrong nd a sin, and perhaps it is but they act like it's a bigger sin than any other sin (when all sins r equal) and they treat homosexuals like a different kind of species...even in the way they talk about them...nd they especially don't like bisexuals so i guess i'm still gonna stay in this little lonely dark closet.
But i can't sleep at nights...i hear voices in my sleep telling me i'm disgusting and pathetic nd God hates me...idk what to do anymore i just want peace and love. i'm not trying to get more sex or revenge on men by going for women (altho i have been down that road) i just want to find someone to love, nd to give all i am to nd make them realize how amazing they are and what they mean to me.
Lately i feel like i'm...disgusting...because i'm Bi. I grew up in church, nd i know God exists and i've experienced him, but i feel like i'm disgusting to him. i can't really help that i find sum girls attractive nd i know i have the capability to fall in love with them...(i'm not the kinda bi who just wants to hook up wit girls, or who wants attention)
Only a handful of my frends know, as in a small baby handful. nd 1 of them is still in denial, the other one is bi too, nd the other one is being switzerland nd doesn't know how to react so she acts like i never told her. My parents would kick me out if they found out, but i want to be able to find that person who will love me, whether it's a guy or a girl. but i hate sneaking around i would want to be open to everyone nd show them all how much i love them.
But ultimately it's hard to not feel disgusting cuz i go to a christian school, where they are constantly talking about how homosexuality is wrong nd a sin, and perhaps it is but they act like it's a bigger sin than any other sin (when all sins r equal) and they treat homosexuals like a different kind of species...even in the way they talk about them...nd they especially don't like bisexuals so i guess i'm still gonna stay in this little lonely dark closet.
But i can't sleep at nights...i hear voices in my sleep telling me i'm disgusting and pathetic nd God hates me...idk what to do anymore i just want peace and love. i'm not trying to get more sex or revenge on men by going for women (altho i have been down that road) i just want to find someone to love, nd to give all i am to nd make them realize how amazing they are and what they mean to me.
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