Stress+Depression= problems

[GuardianofSecrets]

Does anyone have some good stress relievers? Im super stressed now with school on top of the depression I've had for the past couple months. Im pressured to do really well in school which would be fine except for one really difficult class, also my mom hates her job and is stressed with it, I cant sleep very well at night, and even when I do I wake up feeling more tired than the previous night. My family doesnt know Im depressed because A) my mom didnt believe me when I first tried to tell her B) I dont want to go to a therapist cos im worried about money. C) They dont need anything else to worry about.
So im trying to deal with this pretty much alone w/ a friend and any advice is helpful.

[Ennui.]

Hey,

As far as that really difficult class do you think you would be able to get any help from the teacher, either before or after school or during a study hall? It may help you out with some of the stress because at least you will be going for the help which may make it better for you overall, since you'll be grasping the material more. That just about saved me in some of my harder classes.

Remind yourself that nobody is perfect though. When thoughts come in to your mind, tell yourself, "I have tried my hardest, and that is very important." "I learned from my mistakes and will do better next time." "I am smart, I can get past this!" Sometimes positive self-talk can really go a long way in helping us, because it reminds us to replace negative thoughts with more positive ones.

I understand not telling your family right now and I won't force your to, but does your school have a guidance counselor? They'd be able to keep things confidential unless you are in danger to yourself or others, so they would be a good person to go to to help you manage some of the things in life that are causing you stress. Plus, they're free! They may also be able to connect you with free or cheap outside resources.

Try and get a regular sleep schedule going. I understand it's hard to sleep, but maybe if you find yourself in bed with the lights off, your body may start to get the idea. Before bed, you can do something like take a warm bath or shower to calm yourself down a bit. Play some relaxing music. I've heard scents such as lavender are also soothing, so that may help you get to bed.

I have a professor who also told us to write down some of our more pressing thoughts on a piece of paper before going to bed. That way, they are out of our minds and written down so we don't forget to do them, and that way we won't spend all night worrying about having to get them done or to sort things out - everything will be there for you when you have the energy.

As far as releasing stress goes, self expression is one way to do this. Writing, art, and music are all good ways to get out pent up thoughts and emotions in a healthy, safe way. Exercise is another good way of releasing stress. The self expression doesn't have to be a masterpiece and the exercise doesn't have to be anything extreme, it can just help to do it! You can even do something like yoga or meditation to give yourself inner peace.

Try and have some "me-time" too where you only focus on yourself and doing kind thing to yourself. Maybe watch a good movie, read a good book, do your nails, do your hair, eat your favorite goodies, do a hobby, start a play with a pet, drink tea, or do something else nice. It can go a long way!

Try to eat healthy too. I'm not saying you can never have junk food, but try to at least eat a balanced diet with the proper food groups.

Also, try and live in the moment. As my wellness professor says, you can't change the past and you don't know what will happen tomorrow, so why not focus on the present? Try and focus on just living one day at a time. Maybe focus on how good it feels to be outside, or how fun it is to be with a friend.

Learn how to say "no." If we already have tons of obligations, we can't keep pressuring ourselves by doing everyone a favor all the time! It's nice to help others, but if you already have tons on your plate, it's okay to say no and tell them you'll help another time, so you don't get overwhelmed.

You can get through this!

-Dez

[GuardianofSecrets]

Thanks.

First off, I want to say I am very prideful and I dont like asking for help because I don't want to look stupid. It's stupid I dont like to ask, I know, but I hate feeling helpless. Even like now I feel like Im bothering people and I dont want to make my problems other people's problems. It also doesn't help that my parents are constantly telling me I need to get better at problem solving. And I try to think positive but Im a perfectionist so Im always very critical. I also compare myself to others and Im very competitive, but Im never the best no matter how hard I try and everything has gotten so much harder in school and out and Im not used to it being so difficult.

I've been thinking about going to the counselor but, as I just said, I dont like asking for help. And this is especially hard to talk about. It's easier right now because its online and im not talking face-to-face with you.

I try to take things day by day, but even that is hard. Just getting myself out of bed in the morning is a challenge. Even during the summer I would lie awake in the morning for hours cos I just didn't want to get up. Well, not that I didnt want to per se, i just had no reason, no motivation. Normally when people have a bad day they're like "oh, I cant wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better." But for me "tomorrow" is the exact same as "today" so it doesnt matter what day it is. I dont want it to be the next day because it will just be the same thing as the day before.

I try to enjoy things like spending time with my friends, but most of the time I dont feel any joy, or any emotion at all. Its like there's a black hole inside me, destroying my entire being. Sorry, i make weird comparisons. Anyway thank you for your advice and thanks for listening.

[violeta]

Meditation sometimes helps when I'm really stressed try looking it up on Youtube. There are a lot of people doing guided meditation.

I understand wantting to do well in school and being worried about your mom. The same thing happened to me and I had to ask for help with classes or I wouldn't have made it. I know it's hard because you are used to understanding things right away but your teacher will apreciate you more as a student if you show that you are honestly trying. I have gotten higher grades on tough classes because the teacher knew I was trying. Unfortunately this might not be the only hard class you get so the sooner you try to accept help from others the better. As far as your mom. there isn't much you can do. Just be there for her but don't forget yourself and realize she gets to decide her life. I know it's easyer said than done and I still struggle with it too

I understand what you say about the difficulties in getting help for your depression. I have those same problems and I've been depressed for 5 years. As far as I can see I will not be getting better on my own. I found that at my county hospital they will give free services to people if they can't pay. You might want to look into your county hospital. They won't say it right out but they might tell you something if you call or go in. I don't know what they will say because you're under 18 but you can try.

I know it's easy to think that you don't want to burden your family and I'm sorry to say it's what is keeping me from getting help right now. So I can't say that I Know how to deal with that, but I am pretty sure that is the depression talking and the faster you get help the easyer it might be to make that voice to shut up and let you get better. I know feeling hopless, helpless, and worthless has only gotten worse the longer I have had depression.

I hope this was helpful and I'm sorry you are going through this if I can help you in anyway let me know